Thursday, February 28, 2008

Sometimes a Comic...

***Firstly, I've updated my links (to your right). The ones that are starred are the ones I highly recommend and which I read on a regular basis. The other ones are just pretty cool to look at sometimes.

I've discovered what may be the best comic in the world, only I'm not sure it's technically a comic. There's no plot. Each strip is independent of the one before and probably the one after. Nevertheless, this comic is incredibly inspiring, sometimes beautiful, romantic, hilarious, ironic, or just plain incomprehensible.

What is this comic I speak of? A Softer World

My favorite examples of their work:


Too Much Today


Candy Store

Beach Day



Get it?


Friday, February 15, 2008

Single's Awareness Day

Now that we're all recovering from the stress of Valentine's... here's my belated V-Day post!

I've waited all year to show you this video from the website

Enjoy! Love to all,


Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Paolini best Fantasy Writer Ever?

Here's an article that makes me mad.

Excerpt: When Christopher Paolini was 11, he read his first fantasy book. After an extended, several-year "reading binge," he decided he could write a better one himself. He has.

Umm... what kind of bad fantasy books was he reading that he felt the need to write a 'better' one? Tolkein, Adams, Pratchett, Card, and Bradbury weren't good enough for him?

And what was the writer smoking to come to the conclusion that Paolini wrote something better? That he even wrote comprehensible drivel has yet to be determined!

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Crazy Paper Lady

Every Sunday at the bookstore the newspapers drop off their special Sunday papers... lots of them. Because people like the Sunday edition, right?

We open at 9:00. It's 9:15, and a lady comes in and brings to my register an ARMLOAD of papers and a few books. I figure she's buying them for someone... maybe the people at her church, maybe folks at the retirement home.

Whatever; that's her business. I check her out, she leaves.

Ten minutes later, she's back. She complains that the other store where she gets her papers isn't open yet, and she doesn't have enough time, so she has to buy ALL THE REST of our papers! The lady CLEANS US OUT OF NEWSPAPERS and we've only been open half an hour!

I'm going to be telling people that I'm sorry, but we're sold out, for the rest of the day!

Still, I don't ask why she needs all those papers. I try not to get involved with customer purchases, for reasons that will be explained in future posts.

Even so, she volunteers the information that... wait for it...

She is buying all these newspapers for her 13 dogs to pee on!

Whatever, a sale is a sale. It just seems a little ridiculous. I mean, buying paper towels would have been a lot cheaper than buying all those newspapers. But apparently she had been doing this for a long time, because she even discriminated against different types of papers. For example, she refused to buy the Investor's Business Daily, because the ink, when wet (eww), got on her floors too easily.

To top it all off, she was my opening sale and handed me a hundred-dollar bill! I had to give her mostly fives, and this is a problem because if the store runs out of small change and bills on a Sunday, we can't run to the bank to switch out our higher bills for lower ones and quarters or whatever!

But I did it for her anyway because she was nice. Basically, if you are a nice person you can walk all over me. =)

It's true. This one time this lady was acting really weird about her magazines (She was getting married though; they were all bridal magazines, so maybe its excusably), and had me holding huge stacks of them for her and paging managers and doing all sorts of crazy stuff, but I let her get away with it because she was so sweet... even if a little bit egotistical.

Monday, February 04, 2008

Spontaneous Gatherings

You've heard of them. Suddenly your supermarket becomes a madhouse of teenagers racing in shopping carts. Your bank gets invaded by hordes of zombies... your local park is overtaken by medieval jousting knights...

When I was working at the bookstore, suddenly a huge group of teenagers files in, looking nervous and self-important. I was hoping for a Spontaneous Gathering, but no, they were just meeting up somewhere before heading to a concert. And I was sad. :(

Here's a fantastic example of spontaneous gatherings. Watch this video if it's the only thing you do today, because it's fantastic.

And hey, get together a group of your friends and go out and do something creative! Report back. Pictures are preferable.

Horror Writing

Sentence pulled from this review by TeenInk.

"I'm trying to do 'Twilight Zone' for kids, where you step into a place you've been a hundred times but suddenly something isn't quite right."

-R. L. Stine

Sunday, February 03, 2008

More Bookstore Etiquette

RULE 1: I am a peon. Please recognize this. I'm just a lowly cashier. Sure, you can tell me that you're disappointed that we don't have the particular British magazine that you want to read, and you could even ask that that information be passed along, but the likelihood that your request will be taken seriously or even acted upon? 0%. If you want a magazine that badly, freaking get a subscription for it. Don't get mad if we can't find it or just don't carry it. The reason we usually can't find it is because people like you take it out to read and don't put it back where it belongs, or stick it in some totally random section of the store!

Peon <---Me

RULE 2: This is not the nineteenth century. For the love of ALL that is HOLY, please do NOT EVER hand me your credit card until you have at least bothered to glance around and see if there is a little credit-card-swipy-thingy. I swear, I must say 'you can swipe that there' to at least 87% of all my transactions! (Also, you don't need to comment on the fact that all the machines are different if you're too stupid to get the machine to accept your card swipe the first time. There's a little picture there for a reason).

RULE 3: If you don't want a plastic bag, please tell me BEFORE I put all your merchandise in it. It's fine that you want to 'save the environment', but have some courtesy for your common man, you dig?

RULE 4: The merchandise placed around the counter is there to TEMPT YOU TO BUY IT. It's called 'impulse items', and they are placed in a carefully-calculated strategy to get you to spend more money. Therefore, don't think it's cute when you take five minutes to play with the little key chains that squeak and make noise. Do you know how many times a day I have to hear that?!

RULE 5: I do not know what books you have already purchased. Please do not EVER ponder out loud to yourself, "I can't remember if I've bought this already", and then look at me like you expect me to know if you have or not. I DON'T KNOW YOU! I don't have your prior purchasing information on my computer, and let's face it: You would be pretty pissed if I did! So please make your decision without expecting my input or approval. I'm not going to tell you what to buy. That is your decision, and I just want you to leave as soon as possible.

Oh no, thank you, and have a great day!

The Funniest Book I Have Ever Read

I've read a lot of books. Some people have even kept track of every book they've ever read, but I'm not that methodical, so sadly I don't have an exact figure.

Know, however, that it is an obscene amount for my age. Within the course of my reading lifetime, I have never EVER ran across a book as funny as the one I am about to tell you about.

WARNING: If you are underage, do not read this book. It's definitely for mature audiences only, but, oh man, if you're 'mature' in the legal sense of the word, stop what you're doing and SPRINT to the nearest bookstore and purchase it.

What book is it, this miracle of comedy, you ask? Why, it's this one:

I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell.

Well, the author, Tucker Max better hope they serve beer in Hell, because that is where he is destined to end up after this life.

His stories are so gross and abominable that were they not wet-your-pants hilarious I would instantly condemn him as The Greatest Jerk of all time.

I mean, he's still probably the jerkiest guy in the world, but his absolute audacity makes this okay. I wish I could relay some of his priceless stories, but I want this to remain mostly kid-friendly, so all I can say is:

For samples, visit the web site. Again, if you are underage, or don't wish to expose yourself to gross, sexual, female-degrading stories, FOR THE LOVE OF FICTION, DON'T CLICK!

If, however... you can take it, and need a really good laugh, hold your belly and click away, my friends, click! Away!

Saturday, February 02, 2008

Paolini Rides Again

A week or so ago I logged into the computer at work, like usual, and checked the press page for all the juicy book gossip- you know, who's coming out with what, which book Oprah has decreed shall be the next best seller, etc.

And then, like a dung-colored beacon of awfulness, I saw it...


Pronounced BRIS-ing-er, this is the third book of Paolini's infamously horrible Inheritance trilogy.

And it was on my front page!

There was a press link, so I clicked on it. I have never regretted clicking on a link more in my life, not even when I was goatsed.

No, ladies and gentleman, not even that could compare to the dripping fawnery drizzled about the page. Printed off, it was a one-page update about the status of Brisingr.

Apparently, the book world responded so enthusiastically to the idea that one of their all-time best-selling authors (Ca-ching) had actually announced when he would be releasing his new book, that the release date was actually MOVED FORWARD three days, meaning that Brisingr will now be released on September 20th, 2008, but not only that!

No, my friends! Just when I had thought that Paolini finally got some sense and changed the release date from the 23rd just to acquiesce to my superior whims and desires (you will remember that I was upset about the release date, being as September 23rd is one of my all-time favorite days), he revealed HIS PARTY-PLAN OF D00000000000M!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YES! There is actually going to be a celebration on the eve of the release of Brisingr, just like the celebrations for the release of the Harry Potter books!

Umm, excuse me? Paolini does not equal Rowling.

On the other hand, good for the kid. That's excellent publicity, and should make him happy. I just refuse to attend. I REFUSE to work that night. I'll say something awful to a customer, I just know I will...