Sunday, February 03, 2008

More Bookstore Etiquette

RULE 1: I am a peon. Please recognize this. I'm just a lowly cashier. Sure, you can tell me that you're disappointed that we don't have the particular British magazine that you want to read, and you could even ask that that information be passed along, but the likelihood that your request will be taken seriously or even acted upon? 0%. If you want a magazine that badly, freaking get a subscription for it. Don't get mad if we can't find it or just don't carry it. The reason we usually can't find it is because people like you take it out to read and don't put it back where it belongs, or stick it in some totally random section of the store!

Peon <---Me

RULE 2: This is not the nineteenth century. For the love of ALL that is HOLY, please do NOT EVER hand me your credit card until you have at least bothered to glance around and see if there is a little credit-card-swipy-thingy. I swear, I must say 'you can swipe that there' to at least 87% of all my transactions! (Also, you don't need to comment on the fact that all the machines are different if you're too stupid to get the machine to accept your card swipe the first time. There's a little picture there for a reason).

RULE 3: If you don't want a plastic bag, please tell me BEFORE I put all your merchandise in it. It's fine that you want to 'save the environment', but have some courtesy for your common man, you dig?

RULE 4: The merchandise placed around the counter is there to TEMPT YOU TO BUY IT. It's called 'impulse items', and they are placed in a carefully-calculated strategy to get you to spend more money. Therefore, don't think it's cute when you take five minutes to play with the little key chains that squeak and make noise. Do you know how many times a day I have to hear that?!

RULE 5: I do not know what books you have already purchased. Please do not EVER ponder out loud to yourself, "I can't remember if I've bought this already", and then look at me like you expect me to know if you have or not. I DON'T KNOW YOU! I don't have your prior purchasing information on my computer, and let's face it: You would be pretty pissed if I did! So please make your decision without expecting my input or approval. I'm not going to tell you what to buy. That is your decision, and I just want you to leave as soon as possible.

Oh no, thank you, and have a great day!

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