Friday, April 27, 2007

Confessions 5 - I hate Christopher Paolini



I hate Christopher Paolini.

While not recognizing the photo, you may recognize the name. Mr. Paolini is a New York Times Best-Selling author for the Inheritance Trilogy, the most famous of which is Eragon.



You may remember a few years ago when this book came out and it was apparently a big deal. I read it. It was not.

I was introduced to Mr. Paolini through Oprah. She was doing a segment on teen authors, and I was watching it from my home television, seething with jealousy.

I am now going to make a generalization. You are free to agree or disagree: ...Fantasy sucks. The vast majority of fantasy and science fiction novels are badly written and cliched and follow the same plot over and over and over again.

(Ironically, another teen authoress featured on that Oprah Show did a successful series on vampires. Vampire stories also suck. Even Interview With A Vampire, when it comes down to it, sucks.)

This is my personal vendetta against fantasy and science fiction writing. I don't expect to be hassled about it. I know there are exceptions to the hideous rule, such as the well-known and quickly-declining-in-integrity Harry Potter books, or the Dealing with Dragons series, which was comedic and heart-warming. And lets not forget the classics (Tolkien, Pratchett, Adams, etc.), but even they have their moments.



But this is not about my hatred of those genres. This is about my hatred for Christopher Paolini.



Hate is a strong word. Mine is composed of anger and envy. While previews for the movie Eragon were showing, I took to changing the channel every time one came on. I forbade my family to see or support that movie in any way (alas, as I am a dependent teenager they have done little to respect my wishes, and in fact tonight I shall commit the treasonous act of purchasing that blasted film for the enjoyment and corruption of my little sister).

Why, you may ask? I'll tell you.

REASONS WHY I HATE CHRISTOPHER PAOLINI

1) First and foremost, he's a cheater. He did not submit his book to literary agents or publishing houses, he did not wait in agony for MONTHS for a rejection letter before sending his manuscript out again. He did not go to literary conventions and attempt to make contacts who would be interested in reading the boring and terribly-written novel of his.

NO, I say! He did none of these things. He is nothing like the rest of us.

His family owns a publishing company. Without having to earn the right in any way, he published his book and began distributing it.

Aha, but you may say... if he is so terrible, why then the success of his novel?

Oprah. Plain and simple. Oprah did a segment on teen writers, and as he was one, he got to go on. This led to his popularity with the general public, who is known for having bad taste.

2) As mentioned before, his books are terrible.

Anyone who has read Eragon, or attempted to read Eldest (I say attempted because I myself, a staunch believer in not abandoning books once you have started to read them, had to put it down due to sheer passionate annoyance) can back me up on this one.

Paolini took the low road. He created a /very/ cliched character: a special, talented, attractive boy with a mysterious past who is mistreated by his family and then made fabulous through magic.

BORING!

A basic plot summary: The Cliched main character, whose name is Eragon, discovers a dragon stone, watches the dragon hatched, and is now its caretaker. He fights off bakers or something of the sort, and takes an old man and the dragon with him on a journey to stop some dark force spreading across the land. There is a race against time, some more bad guys, some fire, a little blood, and then a magical and beautiful elven princess who is heroically rescued from prison as she is the leader of a rebellion camp (go figure).

The plot continues in that vein but I can't continue because it's too painful.

Anyway, I don't like his writing. He also sounds like he swallowed a thesaurus, and then puked it all over his 'script.

In conclusion, don't take any of this too seriously, as someday I shall probably have to eat my words.

Am I envious? Of course. I'm envious of any writer who has success, particularly those who do not /deserve/ it.

Does Christopher Paolini deserve my envy? Of course not. He has done nothing remarkable and his work will not be remembered past this generation.

...At least... that's what I tell myself.

58 comments:

Anonymous said...

jesus christ dude, you're a fucking dropkick

i mean seriously, what the fuck do you have against christopher paolini and Rowling? The Harry Potter Series has done nothing but increase in suspense, enjoyment, and popularity since the start - oh wait, I'm sorry, you probably gave up on the sixth because the plot got a teensy bit difficult. If you don't happen to believe me, look at the sales of the first book, then at the seventh.

DIPSHIT!

Paolini's books are excellent. I personally can't wait for the third book, which will be better than Eldest and Eragon. You do realise Christopher Paolini has a net worth of about $67 Million US, and JK Rowling $1.3 Billion, so go agree with the 0.5% of the US, UK and Australian Population who don't like fantasy.

paolini, you have all my respect. jk rowling, as do you.

fuck you you jealous little bastard.

Emily said...

I agree with you wholeheartedly! Thanks for the well-thought out post. :)

JayDeuce07 said...

I understand the thing about fantasy and sci-fi. Luckily I throughly enjoy those genre's and have found the hidden gems. Wheel of Time being one of them. Amazing really. A few more contact me if you wish to speak :)

But alas...I too hate Christopher Paolini. Furthered by the fact that he compared himself to Tolkien. I mean really? That's messed up. He isn't a true Author in my opinion.

Also your post made my heart weep with happiness. Thanks.

Razan said...

Love your post!!

Anonymous said...

Hey, anonymous?

Go put your little Harry Potter cosplay glasses on and leave the woman alone.

Not that it will bother you, dear author. As all good authors know how to deal with stupid critics. (In my case, it generally involves fire)

Thank you for doing your bit to enlighten the world on the awfulness of Christopher Paolini.

I will admit, when I was young and impressionable, I was actually into his books.

But a few months ago when I tried to pick them up and read them again, I felt dirty for ever having liked them.

Keep up the good work! Your "How to be a successful teenage author" stuff has really helped me, especially the list of 25 reasons to keep writing, which are now taped on the wall above my desk.

I am humbled and inspired by your awesomeness.

=)

Anonymous said...

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THE ONLY THING IS YOU NEED TO CLICK ON MY AD FIRST SO AS TO DISPLAY THE LINK FOR RAPIDSHARE..
SO GRAB YOUR BRISINGR FREE COPY HERE..
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Anonymous said...

I have to agree that the books stink. I have nothing against the author but they are very poorly written. I am a big fan of fantasy and have read just about everything there is and I have to say that his first book wouldn't have been puplished through normal means and the popularity of his books have grown due to the Opera media hype and most of her recomendations stink.(i.e. The Road)

Anonymous said...

In Brisingr, if Paolini cut out all the times he wrote "the ancient language" tha book would have been 100 pages shorter.

nick said...

The best part about this post was the part about Paolini's publishing company. That would make the entire Inheritance series make sense. Bad writing, confused philosophy, the inexplicable popularity (& movie deal? wth?), all of it. Thank you.

-burned reader

Anonymous said...

jesus christ dude, you're a fucking dropkick

i mean seriously, what the fuck do you have against christopher paolini and Rowling? The Harry Potter Series has done nothing but increase in suspense, enjoyment, and popularity since the start - oh wait, I'm sorry, you probably gave up on the sixth because the plot got a teensy bit difficult. If you don't happen to believe me, look at the sales of the first book, then at the seventh.

DIPSHIT!

Paolini's books are excellent. I personally can't wait for the third book, which will be better than Eldest and Eragon. You do realise Christopher Paolini has a net worth of about $67 Million US, and JK Rowling $1.3 Billion, so go agree with the 0.5% of the US, UK and Australian Population who don't like fantasy.

paolini, you have all my respect. jk rowling, as do you.

fuck you you jealous little bastard.


I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote this. While I disagree with your assessment of fantasy, I must agree with you on Eragon. That book is awful, and so are Paolini's other two books. I've read them again and I couldn't believe how bad they were.
Paolini sucks big time. I hope he doesn't write any more books, or he takes writing lessons.

The Wyvren Lord said...

Genius, pure unadulterated genius. I have to admit I read the first book. I liked it, perhaps; fact is I don't remember a single word. That speaks for itself.
But the genre, I guess you haven't read many of the others.
GRR Martin, Robert Jordan, Stephen Erickson to name a few. (Erickson is a hard one to read so he coesn't count. The guy writes as though no one is supposed to understand, but once you can get a weird picture, he's different in a huge way.)
I'm a fantasy writer and believe you me when I say getting published is a war I'm still fighting. Harder in India, by the way. At any rate Paolini didn't play fair. He just got his parents to put the shit out. But I'm thankful for it.
If a dipshit like Paolini can get published, I can see hope for the rest of us yet.
God save us all if they're planning an Eldest movie.

Chuck said...

The first two book were, um.. okay, yeah, but C.P. ruined the story with the near ending of Brisingr.
I do not want to go into detail about it but i hate the fact that a once mighty species is able to be enslaved after its end.

jbrewer55 said...

Hallelujah!

I am so happy to actually find people who know how horrendous HIS writing is, how he stole the plot, and only was published because of who his parents are.

I have to admit I was at one time enthralled with the series, then however picked up an actual fantasy that the authors had envisioned themselves, books such as The Wheel of Time of Tolkein's works, which are rivaled by none.

Thank goodness this idiot of an author might get whats been coming to him for a long time, NO PUBLICITY, maybe the world will finally see that he stole the plot, and continues to steal money from it.

Hope for the day when this series will be rotting where it belongs, in a garbage dump!

esther said...

You obviously know nothing of which you speak. While I agree with you that the Inheritance series are less than fantastic to say the least, your general opinion of fantasy has seriously missed the mark. To be honest you sound like an illegitimate child who hates her father simply because he is not there, not knowing any of the circumstances.
And so it is with your complaints of JK Rowling. Her family certainly owned no publishing house. Her success and the success of the books is entirely her own. You clearly have no grasp of the English language, otherwise you would understand what fantastic pieces of writing those Harry Potter books are.
Don't blame your failure on the success of others. While I have no doubt that there are the few people who deserve to get published and do not because of the simple fact that it is not possible, there are most likely some good reasons why you didn't get published. One of the marks of a truly talented author is good marketing skill. That means being able attract attention to your manuscript immediately. Maybe if people who have no place in writing such as yourself would stop wasting agents' and editors' time, those who truly do deserve publishing would get published.
I hope that nobody has to suffer through your angry and immature writing in a novel.

portia said...

I loved the Harry Potter series! Though it felt like the last ones could have been cut in half.

I could not bear to read Paolini,
it was boring and so ill written. It looked like osmeone just referenced about a thousand fantasy books and came up with a new novel. there was no originality, and the writing was sickeningly tedious. You described it perfectly when you said "He also sounds like he swallowed a thesaurus, and then puked it all over his 'script" . And I could not go past a few pages, I skipped pages and chapters and had to give it up. And I wondered how on earth he could have been pusblished. Was it simply because he was a fifteen year old that his books were pushed through? perhaps they thought that fact would be charming enough for sales, but frankly I knew a eight year old who wrote much, much better than that. Anyway I know now why.

Even the movie was irritating, once the novelty of the special effects wore off.

And reading some of the other comments which seemed to have missed the humor in your post, I am surprised at the reactions and intolerance. Everyone is welcome to like their genre, and if yo dont like fantasy, then you dont. I dont think you were particularly jealous, or blaming someone else for your failure. You just stated what is going through so many others' minds as well.

Good luck with your writing.

Benedictus said...

well, Christopher Paolini's Inheritance saga. I am now tryig to read the 34d book called Brsingr, and somehow felt it has too many unecessary plot, that if we cut that out, maybe the book will be a lot thinner, not this thick and heavy....

I don't know why he can sell this saga very well, maybe yes because of Oprah show and his parents owned a publishing company.

He is mixing every element from Star Wars saga, The Lord of The Rings, and Narnia in his books, and his atempt on doing this is very rough. You can feel when reading this, "oh it star wars scene when luke saving leia" or "Oh that Brom felt like Obi Wan mentoring Luke Skywalker" and you will say, wow, did he(paolini) trying to master Tolkien's language creation? Well it's not working

Kris said...

Coming from one who didn't know the backstory to his 'media exposure' and 'family owned publishing company' my perspective may be a bit different than most of yours. I first read Eragon due to a recommendation from someone who's opinion in books I highly respect. I don't think anyone is refuting the fact that Paolini's writing style was, let's be polite and use the word amateur, in the beginning, one could easily see that by Eldest and into Brisingr his ability had surely matured.

I admit I am a complete sucker for fantasy, romance, and ordinary people realizing their full potential in life; but one of the shining stars in the Inheritance saga is the dragons, and not only them but the relationship with their riders. I don't have an extensive knowledge of dragon properties in other stories, but the extended/shared life, communication, scales, and birthing all felt very fresh and unique to me.

Though my soul will forever be in lament for the atrocity that was 'Eragon the movie', I think we can make the assumption that if Paolini had to do it over again he would have held out until he got things done the way they should have been. That movie/saga COULD have been on the same level as the Lord of the Rings, had they put the same time and effort into it. Don't even get me started on comics/books being made into movies(X-men, Watchmen, Narnia, %!@#&FOX) Alas, now we shall never see it on screen.

Should it win any awards? Mmm, probably not. But you have to admit it's a fun ride. ;-)

KiloSkilo said...

All I have to say is WTF.

Let the record state: I loved and still love Harry Potter. I will admit though it seems a vast majority of hugely successful fantasy authors just start to get "weird" 4-5 books into it. J.K. Rowling George R.R. Martin and Diana Gabaldon have seemingly stumbled down the same rabbit as well.

ButI digress...

In the midst of the raging vaccuum created in waiting for next Harry Potter installment, I picked up Eragon hoping to be mildly distracted and was, pleasantly.

However, the peak of my frustration hit during the last few pages of Brisingr when I discovered that was indeed NOT the last booked and this kid & Arya still couldn't get it together. I repeat, WTF.

I pored through endless pages of hard-to-pronounce-even-in-your-head words,telepathic conversations with dragons and the hope of bringing this all to end and the elf STILL won't even look at him?? I'm sorry, I'm a girl and I'll never be able to get enough fantasy, mystery & suspense but I wanna see the LOVE b/c the love makes it all worthwhile!! "Love lifts us up where we belong..." I'm singing right now.

Needless to say, Paolini's beyond the point of no return. After 3 books of showing him the "hand" if he makes a 300+ year old character all of sudden fall slap crazy in love in a teenager, he'll have discredited Arya as a character and more importantly himself.

Ok, I'm done. I can't write clever witty things like my brother, so I'm signing off.

I just wanted love...

Alexander P. Shaw said...

Maybe, just maybe, you guys would not be trying so hard to get published if, instead of wasting your time posting and commenting on useless blogs consisting of an opinion that will not change anything that has already come to be, you spent more time on trying to market your own work and talent, but what do I know. You guys just keep complaining about how sad it is someone was born, luckily, into a family whos influence gave them a leg-up in life, and while you're at it maybe bitch about how unfair it is that Paris Hilton is famous. Nothing is going to change and taking the time to envy someone elses success will do nothing but hinder your own. Oh and one more thing. You guys bitch about how he uses cheep tactics in his writings and dare I say unethical short-cuts to further his popularity, and this may be true, however; thats life. In this world, comprised of a capitalistic idealology, most success has come from nothing short of unethical practices.
On the battlefield of competition, one cannot afford to be ethical.

sage225 said...

WHERE WE AGREE:

- I, too, am jealous of young Mr. Paolini's success, particularly if his net worth, as someone else posted, is even close to $67M!

- My jealousy, too, sometimes borders on anger when I realize he had an easy "in" to publishing via his family connections.

- His "Inheritance Trilogy" is, indeed, a mash-up of standard Fantasy plotlines.

WHERE WE DISAGREE:

- Almost all epic Fantasy borrows - or outright cribs - some or all of the standard Joseph Campbell-dissected Hero's Myth. Yes, even the omnipresent "Harry Potter". Mr. Paolini does, too, right down to the "Luke, I am your father" moment in the second novel of his trilogy. However, that said, it's how you execute and embellish The Standard Myth that counts. And Mr. Paolini has fashioned an entertainingly facile version of it.

- Despite having an "in" to publishing, and despite making an appearance on "Oprah", there's no way this kid could make $67M in the near-dead business of bookselling if there wasn't something there that was of value to the public. Clearly, the books sold. Well and widely.

- You, too, are young and passionate. Good. Put it to better use. Write something great...

...and remember that the best revenge is Success.

Allie said...

Dude, your just jealous.
I can't believe i wasted my time reading these... words that you wrote. obviously, there are a LOT of people who like CP's books, else he wouldn't be a famous author for writing them, and you wouldn't be where you are now: Seething with jealousy and making yourself look really stupid.
I would be ashamed if I were you.

Abby said...

Just so you know Paolini's family doesn't own a publishing house. They self-published it that doesn't mean they own a publishing house it means they worked their asses off promoting the book by going to events and making presentations at schools and libraries.

A person said...

Paolini has a few problems...

1) His world is essentially Tolkien's world:
Humans, Almost identical elves, dwarves, and dragons
(one could respond to this by saying that there are some things different, but many are apparently copied); there is the feeling of buildup to the "final battle scene" as well as the basic struggle between good and evil that Tolkien presents.
2)His character isn't exactly real, either.

But, something must be said for writing several books with over 1,400 pages in total. His plot, if not original, still provides a degree of entertainment.

He doesn't deserve to be HATED; it's not his fault that you don't like his books. Everyone should be allowed to take advantage of the opportunities they are. Give him a break and focus a little of this negative energy into... writing?

MrBenzedrineee said...

You are one fucking sad cunt, you're just jealous of Paolini's success, just because you're a failed writer doesnt mean you should go talk shit about another... Last i checked, he's making a living out of his work... You my fucked up friend, are not... Eat shit.

Really? said...

Meh..what's the point of having your own publishing company if you can't throw a bone to your kids. If I owned one, I would print a book of my autistic son's drawings. Then I would bribe some talk show host to talk about it with hopes that it will appeal to somebody willing to throw money at it. Then as an adult my son will have hopefully as much money as Paolini to live off of..medical bills paid in full.

That being said you can't fault a parent for giving their kid a shot. If a 15 year old is gonna write a story they feel excited about let em. If a rich person or somebody with connections is gonna grandfather their kid into something they own..fine whatever, that's their business.

The only way to really free yourself of Christopher Paolini if you so hate him, is to:

1. Don't write about him. Ever her the term "All publicity is good publicity"? Just by saying he's crap is going to cause an exponential amount of people to go buy his book. Especially the ones that don't like you.. and I bet that there plenty.

2. Don't buy his book dummy. Also it seems that you may have bought his book twice, counting the one for your sister. Ever heard the saying "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me"? I'm sure that applies somewhere...I think.

All that being said, the only thing more annoying than a badly written book, is when people write bad about it. Let the book die if you hate it. If there is 1 person who likes it for every 10 person who hates it it's still good enough for 700,000 million people.

FrostShadow said...

What is your problem? Plots aren't cliched. They're similar. There's a fucking difference. And he didn't cheat. So what if his own family had a publishing company? It's like taking a test you studied more for than others. You happened to have more background information on a test and you score high. That isnt illegal or cheating. And Oprah isnt the reason he became popular. His character isnt a cliche either. How frequently you use the word cliche is making become a cliche itself. Yes, these traits are common in fantasy characters, but it doesnt make them bad. There's a lot of similar people in real life that are similar, doesn't mean you should think they;re boring or hate them. I might add you are the utmost terrible reader. You probably shouldnt even be reading that become for one you could barely summarize the plot. Correction: you COULDNT summarize. And I agree with you. I agree that you ARE FUCKING ENVIOUS. Your jealousy has thrown you into a blind rage that prevents you from seeing correctly.

Ryan Christian said...

I agree with the anti-Paolini rant whole-heartedly. He's nothing but a spoiled kid whose parents figured he'd like his (3rd rate) writing published.

It's not his long, drawn out, boring, cliche, predictable storytelling that I dislike the most, although his books are capable of putting me (an insomniac) right to sleep. I could care less about his mass pileup of "coencidences" and lame attempts at creating plot twists.

Let's be honest: he has very few original thoughts. THINK! The name of his main character: Eragon. Do yourselves a favor, back off the keyboards ticking away to disproove what I'm saying, and say that name out loud. Then say this one: "Aragorn". Notice anything eerily similar? You should, because Paolini did something that most younger writers do to escape writer's block: he borrowed a name from another well known book, what he forgot to do, or didn't care to do, was change it to something more original.

That's not the only thing he's taken. Anyone ever play an RPG video game where you can have your sword shoot out fire? Paolini obviously has, and even the most overlooked things pop up if you look at the names of his locations and some people. You will find words, names, and concepts from all over popular fiction littered throughout his pages.

The guy is simply this: a kid who played a few too many video games, watched a few too many movies, and read a few too many books and decided it would be "cool" to write his own.

The only thing I can give Paolini any credit for is the valiant job he's done to keep his readers stuck to the pages. I mean he knows exactly what ten year old kids will swallow whole and keep reading, but god help his work if those kids realize that they're being spoon fed a basic trick to keep up their attention.

Aaron said...

I have to admit I actually liked Poalini at a far more imature point in my life. To those who still like him, do this: pick up a empty book and try and write a fantasy novel. Then realise that Poalini has stolen years, decades of thought and time from his betters(e.g. Tolkien)and then had the nerve compare himself to said betters. Note too that the only thing people read his bullshit for is the fading glimpse of Tolkien's classic style. I read until the end of Brisingr at which point Poalini's new-found originality became insufferable. He is a boy and is writing for those simpleminded enough to relate. I am a budding writer and the level of imaturity displayed by Eragon up to Inheritance drives me to the brink. Combined with that is the total lack of depth of thought present. Tolkien's books were a record of a lifetime of life experience and had many important lessons in them. So instead of spreading critical thought and sharing knowledge in a fantastic, abstract way we have Poalini destroying the remaining intelligence of a fading sentient race named Human.

PS Your post is awesome - life is frustrating!

Elisss said...

Christopher graduated high school at the age of 15, the same time he wrote Eragon. Obviously this kid is smart enough to know that what he wrote would sell, even if he is using old material. Although the 67 million dollar figure is wrong, he has a worth of about 5 million. Also consider this, Fantasy as a genre can only contain so many things before it gets to the point where people are like WTF? What's wrong with writing something familiar? Everybody loves familiar things, smells, sights, people..It makes you feel comfortable. If Christopher Paolini can write a novel that feels familiar, with a fresh set of characters and his own twist, people are going to eat it up, just like they did with novels before it. Sure it might be a little safe on his part, but the books are good in my opinion. Not Harry Potter or Tolkein good, but good nonetheless.

Leave the man alone and focus on your own writing, it's obviously not as good as his or I would be reading your books not his.

Unknown said...

I completely agree i like the idea behind the books, but Paolini is a terrible writer, he lacks detail and description and the way his books describe characters and even situations leave your imagination with huge blanks and frustration cause you can't understand the image he is trying to perceive. All in all he should work on his writing and descriptive skills, they lack completeness and are not thorough enough, providing very poor communication to the readers.

b9680acc-c8b5-11e1-bfbf-000f20980440 said...

First off, Christopher Paolini wrote this when he was 15, he is a writing genius. Maybe he did use too much descriptions and probably had a thesaurus on tap, but his books are good. No young adult watches Oprah, so no teen bought his books because of that!Second, his parents own Paolini Publishing, Not Random House who his books were published by. I won't be so naive to say his parents didn't lend a helping hand, with editing or contacts, but he went his own way. Third, his writing is obviously better than any of yours, or I'd be reading your books and not his.

Zakaria Jebril said...

What, ya hater!?

Can't take it that Paolin is scuessful you jealous b***h! Go hate on yourself you dullard! He put hard work into his books and YEARS of his chilhood, just for you to jump him! WTF!

His books show proper effort! Unlike SOME jealous byotches!

Craig said...

his parents don't own a publishing company ass hat, but they did help him "self publish" the book, something anyone even you can do for a few hundred bucks (back in that time). His family drove around selling the books out of their car to local shops.

Know your facts before you bash. The first book was impressive for the sheet fact of how old he was when he wrote it, the later books you totally see growth in his writing that came with age.

You're just jealous because you would bore a corpse to dust.

Chris Smith said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chris Smith said...

OK *deep breath... and out*

There are a lot of things to address in this thread; I believe I'll let the painfully obvious sneak past for now and talk about the less noted.

Firstly, there is a rather large difference between poetic, descriptive word usage and expelling words from a thesaurus via vomit on a page.

I can say that there was rather a lot of what I would like to call "poetry", sure. However, every use of a "big word" was justified in its context. If you couldn't bear to take context clues or (heaven forbid) look up words to expand your vocabulary, that's your prerogative. While choosing to comment on such a choice would embarrass me (I could never stand to admit that I was outdone by my inability to read or understand something), I am rather impressed by the bravery many of you so clearly exhibit in doing so. Anyways, I thought Paolini's use of elaboration was refreshing, seeing as the usual catering to society involves much easier words and simply allows you to picture your own scenery, as opposed to showing you the preexisting one.

Moving on now... on second thought, I think you get the point.

TL;DR- I think this thread is full of jealous morons and those whom cannot seem to widen their "tastes" enough to just sit and enjoy a decent book. Yes, Paolini got his series published easier than most, yes the composition is a little wordy (I haven't the foggiest idea of what you were expecting), and YES the root of the story line was basic, tried and true, dragons, magic and elves. I have yet to hear anyone offer any sort of deep analysis on why it is a "bad book". Give me that and I'll keep quiet, (shut my whore mouth if you will) and acquire some of your "taste".

Have a wonderful day.

Jacob Kaye said...

Authors don't criticise other authors. That's the way it rolls man- the fact is, he is a professional and you are not- professionals show respect to one another. I mean yes, his ideas are cliché and arguably similar to other stories- but he's written it well and at the end of the day; he's published and worth 67 million and you are not...
I mean, you won't find Brandon Sanderson or George RR martin or JK Rowling saying that any other authors are crap writers. If you want to be one you have to accept that people write different styles and different subjects. You'll never make it as an author if you have a huge ego and the mentality of "I'm Better than him- his books are terrible and mine aren't". Once again I remind you- he's the bestselling author here and you aren't.

Also your reason number 1 is incorrect- his family did not own a publishing company. He self-published- something that costs a great deal of time and effort and something that every author alive today has the opportunity of doing.

nana afua Annoh said...

seriously if you hate the guy soo bad why the hell do you talk about him? considering ERAGON was written when he was 15. i think its pretty good.so he had it easy so what? if your writing was any good am sure u'd have been published by now.personally i think C.P is good. he's not there yet but something tells me he just might get there so am keeping my fingers crossed for when he does. oh and i thought the movie was great untill i heard of the books so yeah it was TERRIBLE!. don't be a hater. focus on your writing and produce something i can read and rave about like PAOLINI!

Calvin denBoer said...

How he published his book was hardly cheating, when his published his book they took a massive risk. If his book didn't turn out popular they would end up bankrupt and have to sell their house. The Inheritance cycle is awesome! I think ur just jealous!

Shane Gerhardt said...

I know this post was made quite a while ago, but I actually enjoyed the first two books in his series. They had some interesting concepts and I love the idea of such an incredible bond with a being like a dragon that you are almost of one mind. Though I respect your opinion and your courage to voice your opinion so strongly, your bitterness sticks out like a sore thumb. It sucks that paolini had it so easy, but let's face it.....90 percent of jobs/deals are acquired through an "in" of some sort. People with no "ins" like us just have to keep trying and trying! Good luck in the future!

Ethan Seidenberg said...

Incase you didn't know, CHARLES DICKENS owned a publishing company. He was paid by the word which is why he wrote so much. There are so many things wrong with this blog post that I cannot bear to see these mistakes go uncorrected.

Peyton Slimp said...

Here's why you're wrong: "In 2002, Eragon was published by Paolini International LLC, Paolini's parents' small self-publishing company. To promote the book, Paolini toured over 135 schools and libraries, discussing reading and writing, all the while dressed in "a medieval costume of red shirt, billowy black pants, lace-up boots, and a jaunty black cap."[3] He drew the cover art for the first edition of Eragon, which featured Saphira's eye, along with the maps on the inside covers of his books.[4]
In summer 2002, the stepson of author Carl Hiaasen found Eragon in a bookstore and loved it, so Hiaasen brought it to the attention of his publisher, Alfred A. Knopf.[5][6] Knopf subsequently made an offer to publish Eragon and the rest of the Inheritance cycle. The second edition of Eragon was published by Knopf in August 2003. At the age of nineteen, Paolini became a New York Times bestselling author.[7]"
To say he didn't put in the work is ridiculous and simply points to your own bitterness of your own bitterness.

Peyton Slimp said...

Here's why you're wrong: "In 2002, Eragon was published by Paolini International LLC, Paolini's parents' small self-publishing company. To promote the book, Paolini toured over 135 schools and libraries, discussing reading and writing, all the while dressed in "a medieval costume of red shirt, billowy black pants, lace-up boots, and a jaunty black cap."[3] He drew the cover art for the first edition of Eragon, which featured Saphira's eye, along with the maps on the inside covers of his books.[4]
In summer 2002, the stepson of author Carl Hiaasen found Eragon in a bookstore and loved it, so Hiaasen brought it to the attention of his publisher, Alfred A. Knopf.[5][6] Knopf subsequently made an offer to publish Eragon and the rest of the Inheritance cycle. The second edition of Eragon was published by Knopf in August 2003. At the age of nineteen, Paolini became a New York Times bestselling author.[7]"
To say he didn't put in the work is ridiculous and simply points to your own bitterness of your own bitterness.

kai doe said...

yeah I must say I read his books, I enjoyed them but they were just "okay" very easy read good for young readers to get them into reading. as for twilight I thought it was a load of garbage, interview with a vampire (all of the vampire chronicle books) I did enjoy. and harry potter once again a great start for early readers getting into novels. I did enjoy them .. but hey all respect for you , you have every right in the world to your own opinion those who are all butt hurt about your reviews should just accept that there is going to be people with different tastes out there. ((I would love to see a review from you on "brandon sanderson" and his books. as well as the song and fire and ice(game of thrones novels" by george r.r martin

Alex_Mercer said...

I agree with you on Paolini's writing styles, he did suck. However, I just LOVED the stories and the plot ;)

568 said...

Hey, someday, someone might be saying that about your books. Hate is a strong word. I have to say, I disagree with you. He was a teenager, cut him some slack. He wrote a wonderful series. I try not to insult an author, because someday someone will be insulting my work.

Samuel Edwards said...

I thoroughly agree with your take on his writing skills; they are absolutely, indisputably dreadful. He is a pox on young adult fiction and has set a very low bar for aspiring writers.

Sleiman said...

Okay first of all it is a matter of opinion on whether or not the fantasy or sci-fi genres are bad. You said they were always cliched, so you're telling me that other books and genres are not? The only kind of genre that doesn't repeat itself CONSTANTLY, is Non-Fiction. That's because it's usually about the life story of various successful individuals, or about events in history/current events.
Second: What was that crap about Christopher Paolini being a "cheater" because his family owns a publishing company? If you had done your research like any individual who writes a long piece of writing, then you would know that his family does NOT in fact own a publishing company. He instead did something called "Self-Publish". There is a massive difference between the traditional way of publishing, and self publishing. You seem not to know that, so obviously there are other misinterpreted pieces in this middle-school level rant which I will not even begin to dissect.
Third: Instead of wallowing away in your own pit of despair, and trying to feel better about yourself by making fun of brilliant writers such as Christopher Paolini and J.K. Rowling, go write something worth-while. Of course you are entitled to your own opinion (no matter how thick-headed it may be), and your opinion is that Christopher Paolini is an untalented writer. Well then please explain to me how he won a "Book Sense of the Year Award" for Eragon, and then followed up by winning "Quill Award for Young Adult/Teen" award for Eldest.
Lastly: You stated that the "basic plot summary" was boring. You stated rather ignorantly in the middle-school-aspiring-writer manner, what follows: "...Eragon, discovers a dragon stone, watches the dragon hatched, and is now its caretaker. He fights off bakers or something of the sorty, and takes an old man and the dragon with him on a journey to stop some dark force spreading across the land. There is a race against time, some more bad guys, some fire, a little blood, and then a magical and beautiful elven princess who is heroically rescued from prison as she is the leader of a rebellion camp."
WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. Obviously your understanding of basic literature techniques are flawed. Your attempted use at comedy by saying Eragon fought "Bakers or something of the sort", was futile. Also, what the hell kind of race against time are you talking about? Adding on, this Elven Princess is NOT the leader of anything. She doesn't have any authority in the Elven Lands, and she is simply an Ambassador from the Elves to the Rebellion Group known as the Varden. Also, just because Christopher Paolini knows more words than you, and leaves you feeling confused because you have the intellect of a half-grown calf, doesn't mean he sounds like he swallowed a thesaurus, and then puked it all over his script. It just sounds to me like you don't have an extensive vocabulary.
To conclude, yes, you will have to eat your words.

Eesha Agrawal said...

YES! YOU GO ANONYMOUS. TAKE HIM DOWN. YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT. HIS BOOKS ARE FANTASTIC. HE WAS FKN FIFTEEN WHEN HE WROTE ERAGON.

Tyron Neilan Acker said...

I really enjoyed Christopher Paolini's work granted its not the best the genre has to offer but does not mean it was not an excellent read...To the OP if you ever do get published I'd love to read your books and judge the strength of your work

Griffin Webster said...

Okay. I realize that you may have a point. Sure, it would be easier to get published if your parents owned a stinking publishing company. However, what good is it doing to start bashing Paolini and his work just because he was born into these circumstances? I didn't even know he was on Oprah, and I still read the books and enjoyed them. I know I probably don't have the greatest taste in literature, but this was an exhilarating series that was written quite well. Once again, I know there are probably books that are written more properly or with more fancy words, but who gives a care? These books were written and published (even if it was his parents who did it), and they were enjoyed by many people. I understand where many of you are coming from, as I, too, struggle with envy sometimes. However, I think it would be for the betterment of us all if we didn't take such a hateful, malice-filled approach to sharing our individual beliefs.

karly kay said...

To the person who wrote this every incorrect analyst of eragon when you have not even read the books

Writing a book is very hard work no matter the genre. It is made more difficult when your publisher is your family. They would probably be more critical and harsh on him only because this family owns the company. And it is bull shit to think that he never did any editing or sending it out to a publisher. And to get it published by his own family's company he would have had to go through the same channels as everyone else.

He is also not popular just because he was on oprah I have never seen that episode and I still grew in love with his books solely because I saw them in the bookstore and they looked f**king interesting and the were. And not everyone who goes on Oprah is instantaneously famous for life. Sure he may have gotten started on Oprah but he grew his fan base simply because his books are amazing and very detailed. HE F**KING CREATED A WHOLE NEW WORLD, LIKE 3 NEW LANGUAGES, AND DIFFERENT SPECIES he created all new just for his books he deserves a medal for that not you trash report.

You did not f**king read the books Eragon was never mistreated by his family he loved them and he left because the kings men MURDERED his uncle. READ THE BOOKS before you write crap about them. You say that the plot repeats itself and yet you have not read any of the other books you my friend are a lier suck up and jealousy and rage.

you say you are envious of any writer who has success that does not deserve it. HE WRITES FANTASY you say earlier that YOU DO NOT LIKE FANTASY so for you to judge or get envious of a writer who writes in a genre for which you hate is idiotic.

This all would make more sense if you are just mad at him because you tried to write a book of your own and it failed. Know i don't know you nor would I really want to but I am just looking for a reason on why you are so mad at a wonderful author and the fact that you keep saying that you are jealous of him is not helping you.

AND WHA THE F**K DO YOU HAVE AGAINST HARRY F**KING POTTER it is a great series that you probably did not even read as well before you started to judge it JUST BECAUSE IT IS FANTASY WHICH YOU SAY YOU HATE.

(srry for being mean and ranting on but this is just stupid and ridiculous Christopher Paolini is one of the best authors and you should read the books of stuff that you are going to judge and MAKE F**KING SURE THAT IT IS IN A GENRE THAT YOU LIKE before you all go batshit crazy about how much you hate it.

anonymous said...

Christifer Paolini is an amazing author. Your jealousy for him doesn't mean he is a bad author. So his family owns a publishing company. It is still a fantasic series and is not boring. You are just not intelligent enough to be able to read it. SO take that

anonymous said...

Eragin is the best book I have ever read, and I read a series a week

Sargint Reznor said...

God dammit.

I have just started reading reviews and criticisms of Paolini's series upon looking up whether or not he was atheist (hint-eldest), and it seems as though my prospects for writing successfully are in danger.

Let's get this clear: I'm 14 and probably what Paolini's critics would call an amateur.

I'm currently writing a book (for fun mostly) and I want some opionions as to whether or not it would be subject to the criticism that's fallen on Paolini.

The main characters are an elf, a dwarf, a man, a woman, a halfling,someone from a race of my invention, and two others, both having no clue as to their past and having lived their whole lives in a huge forest. They are both somewhat draconic; one can fly and breathe fire, but he differs anatomically from the typical dragon, and the other has eight limbs, four that are regular arms and legs, the other two, one in front and in back, being serrated and somewhat insectile, allowing attacking capability in front and great jumping in back. Both he and his dragon friend have the ability to sense and control mystical currents of energy that no one else can detect, helping to make the battles in the book that much more exciting...

It all sounds far-fetched, but remember, I'm still a kid, and the two draconic characters are from Deep Childhood, say, my imagination in elementary school (aided by my brother's).

The two forest dwelling protagonists meet the rest of the main characters and battle their way past orcs and goblins through a mountain range and to civilization. They promptly embark on a quest to slay a dragon that has taken control of a mountainous dwarf kingdom far away.

I know, I know, it's The Hobbit all over again. Bear with me, please.

With plenty of action in between, the characters finally get to the ransacked kingdom and conquer the dragon. They learn that the dragon was rescued from a cavern sealed in by rocks by a warlock who has consorted with demons from the horrible underworld, blah blah blah, and thus the dragon's enigmatic escape from the cavern is explained. Then the characters have to go confront the warlock, and the rest, I haven't theorized yet.

Elves in this book are Tolkien-ish; they live to around 400 years, are known for mysterious lives in the wild regions of the world-there are more varieties than just forest elves, which is some of my originality. Dwarves are swarthy and love wealth, ale, and combat, and are best known for their amazing mountain kingdoms. Humans and halflings are all-around, but halflings are especially clever (and overall very unlike hobbits with their energetic inquisitiveness). The other race is called "Blubbs"-have mercy, please- and they are somewhat amphibious, with long lifespans and love food and are swarthy like dwarves.

There, I've posed my idea. It sounds as though I'm not an especially talented writer after all and that I most likely will be rejected if ever I publish my writings. Still, I'm hoping that someone will respond and tell me if my story has enough "originality" to make up for borrowing some aspects of The Hobbit. Note-if I've unwittingly copied another novel or series, I don't know about it.

Thanks!

Sargint Reznor said...

God dammit.

I have just started reading reviews and criticisms of Paolini's series upon looking up whether or not he was atheist (hint-eldest), and it seems as though my prospects for writing successfully are in danger.

Let's get this clear: I'm 14 and probably what Paolini's critics would call an amateur.

I'm currently writing a book (for fun mostly) and I want some opionions as to whether or not it would be subject to the criticism that's fallen on Paolini.

The main characters are an elf, a dwarf, a man, a woman, a halfling,someone from a race of my invention, and two others, both having no clue as to their past and having lived their whole lives in a huge forest. They are both somewhat draconic; one can fly and breathe fire, but he differs anatomically from the typical dragon, and the other has eight limbs, four that are regular arms and legs, the other two, one in front and in back, being serrated and somewhat insectile, allowing attacking capability in front and great jumping in back. Both he and his dragon friend have the ability to sense and control mystical currents of energy that no one else can detect, helping to make the battles in the book that much more exciting...

It all sounds far-fetched, but remember, I'm still a kid, and the two draconic characters are from Deep Childhood, say, my imagination in elementary school (aided by my brother's).

The two forest dwelling protagonists meet the rest of the main characters and battle their way past orcs and goblins through a mountain range and to civilization. They promptly embark on a quest to slay a dragon that has taken control of a mountainous dwarf kingdom far away.

I know, I know, it's The Hobbit all over again. Bear with me, please.

With plenty of action in between, the characters finally get to the ransacked kingdom and conquer the dragon. They learn that the dragon was rescued from a cavern sealed in by rocks by a warlock who has consorted with demons from the horrible underworld, blah blah blah, and thus the dragon's enigmatic escape from the cavern is explained. Then the characters have to go confront the warlock, and the rest, I haven't theorized yet.

Elves in this book are Tolkien-ish; they live to around 400 years, are known for mysterious lives in the wild regions of the world-there are more varieties than just forest elves, which is some of my originality. Dwarves are swarthy and love wealth, ale, and combat, and are best known for their amazing mountain kingdoms. Humans and halflings are all-around, but halflings are especially clever (and overall very unlike hobbits with their energetic inquisitiveness). The other race is called "Blubbs"-have mercy, please- and they are somewhat amphibious, with long lifespans and love food and are swarthy like dwarves.

There, I've posed my idea. It sounds as though I'm not an especially talented writer after all and that I most likely will be rejected if ever I publish my writings. Still, I'm hoping that someone will respond and tell me if my story has enough "originality" to make up for borrowing some aspects of The Hobbit. Note-if I've unwittingly copied another novel or series, I don't know about it.

Thanks!

Sargint Reznor said...

I did a mediocre job of describing my 8 limbed main character, Orthublan. Don't mind it. Thanks!

Sargint Reznor said...

When I said "the other two" for his insectile limbs, I meant two pairs, not a single pair.

Sargint Reznor said...

Yeah, I'm an aspiring writer too, and while I no longer overload on vocabulary like paolini apparently does, it stings to see people state that his writing sucks so bad when I myself write at about the same level. His books are great, iny opinion.