***Firstly, I've updated my links (to your right). The ones that are starred are the ones I highly recommend and which I read on a regular basis. The other ones are just pretty cool to look at sometimes.
I've discovered what may be the best comic in the world, only I'm not sure it's technically a comic. There's no plot. Each strip is independent of the one before and probably the one after. Nevertheless, this comic is incredibly inspiring, sometimes beautiful, romantic, hilarious, ironic, or just plain incomprehensible.
What is this comic I speak of? A Softer World
My favorite examples of their work:
Grame
Too Much Today
Bicylce
Candy Store
Beach Day
Camping
Triumvirate
Get it?
ASOFTERWORLD.COM!
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Friday, February 15, 2008
Single's Awareness Day
Now that we're all recovering from the stress of Valentine's... here's my belated V-Day post!
I've waited all year to show you this video from the website zefrank.com.
Enjoy! Love to all,
Savannah
I've waited all year to show you this video from the website zefrank.com.
Enjoy! Love to all,
Savannah
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Paolini best Fantasy Writer Ever?
Here's an article that makes me mad.
Excerpt: When Christopher Paolini was 11, he read his first fantasy book. After an extended, several-year "reading binge," he decided he could write a better one himself. He has.
Umm... what kind of bad fantasy books was he reading that he felt the need to write a 'better' one? Tolkein, Adams, Pratchett, Card, and Bradbury weren't good enough for him?
And what was the writer smoking to come to the conclusion that Paolini wrote something better? That he even wrote comprehensible drivel has yet to be determined!
Excerpt: When Christopher Paolini was 11, he read his first fantasy book. After an extended, several-year "reading binge," he decided he could write a better one himself. He has.
Umm... what kind of bad fantasy books was he reading that he felt the need to write a 'better' one? Tolkein, Adams, Pratchett, Card, and Bradbury weren't good enough for him?
And what was the writer smoking to come to the conclusion that Paolini wrote something better? That he even wrote comprehensible drivel has yet to be determined!
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Crazy Paper Lady
Every Sunday at the bookstore the newspapers drop off their special Sunday papers... lots of them. Because people like the Sunday edition, right?
We open at 9:00. It's 9:15, and a lady comes in and brings to my register an ARMLOAD of papers and a few books. I figure she's buying them for someone... maybe the people at her church, maybe folks at the retirement home.
Whatever; that's her business. I check her out, she leaves.
Ten minutes later, she's back. She complains that the other store where she gets her papers isn't open yet, and she doesn't have enough time, so she has to buy ALL THE REST of our papers! The lady CLEANS US OUT OF NEWSPAPERS and we've only been open half an hour!
I'm going to be telling people that I'm sorry, but we're sold out, for the rest of the day!
Still, I don't ask why she needs all those papers. I try not to get involved with customer purchases, for reasons that will be explained in future posts.
Even so, she volunteers the information that... wait for it...
She is buying all these newspapers for her 13 dogs to pee on!
Whatever, a sale is a sale. It just seems a little ridiculous. I mean, buying paper towels would have been a lot cheaper than buying all those newspapers. But apparently she had been doing this for a long time, because she even discriminated against different types of papers. For example, she refused to buy the Investor's Business Daily, because the ink, when wet (eww), got on her floors too easily.
To top it all off, she was my opening sale and handed me a hundred-dollar bill! I had to give her mostly fives, and this is a problem because if the store runs out of small change and bills on a Sunday, we can't run to the bank to switch out our higher bills for lower ones and quarters or whatever!
But I did it for her anyway because she was nice. Basically, if you are a nice person you can walk all over me. =)
It's true. This one time this lady was acting really weird about her magazines (She was getting married though; they were all bridal magazines, so maybe its excusably), and had me holding huge stacks of them for her and paging managers and doing all sorts of crazy stuff, but I let her get away with it because she was so sweet... even if a little bit egotistical.
We open at 9:00. It's 9:15, and a lady comes in and brings to my register an ARMLOAD of papers and a few books. I figure she's buying them for someone... maybe the people at her church, maybe folks at the retirement home.
Whatever; that's her business. I check her out, she leaves.
Ten minutes later, she's back. She complains that the other store where she gets her papers isn't open yet, and she doesn't have enough time, so she has to buy ALL THE REST of our papers! The lady CLEANS US OUT OF NEWSPAPERS and we've only been open half an hour!
I'm going to be telling people that I'm sorry, but we're sold out, for the rest of the day!
Still, I don't ask why she needs all those papers. I try not to get involved with customer purchases, for reasons that will be explained in future posts.
Even so, she volunteers the information that... wait for it...
She is buying all these newspapers for her 13 dogs to pee on!
Whatever, a sale is a sale. It just seems a little ridiculous. I mean, buying paper towels would have been a lot cheaper than buying all those newspapers. But apparently she had been doing this for a long time, because she even discriminated against different types of papers. For example, she refused to buy the Investor's Business Daily, because the ink, when wet (eww), got on her floors too easily.
To top it all off, she was my opening sale and handed me a hundred-dollar bill! I had to give her mostly fives, and this is a problem because if the store runs out of small change and bills on a Sunday, we can't run to the bank to switch out our higher bills for lower ones and quarters or whatever!
But I did it for her anyway because she was nice. Basically, if you are a nice person you can walk all over me. =)
It's true. This one time this lady was acting really weird about her magazines (She was getting married though; they were all bridal magazines, so maybe its excusably), and had me holding huge stacks of them for her and paging managers and doing all sorts of crazy stuff, but I let her get away with it because she was so sweet... even if a little bit egotistical.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Spontaneous Gatherings
You've heard of them. Suddenly your supermarket becomes a madhouse of teenagers racing in shopping carts. Your bank gets invaded by hordes of zombies... your local park is overtaken by medieval jousting knights...
When I was working at the bookstore, suddenly a huge group of teenagers files in, looking nervous and self-important. I was hoping for a Spontaneous Gathering, but no, they were just meeting up somewhere before heading to a concert. And I was sad. :(
Here's a fantastic example of spontaneous gatherings. Watch this video if it's the only thing you do today, because it's fantastic.
And hey, get together a group of your friends and go out and do something creative! Report back. Pictures are preferable.
When I was working at the bookstore, suddenly a huge group of teenagers files in, looking nervous and self-important. I was hoping for a Spontaneous Gathering, but no, they were just meeting up somewhere before heading to a concert. And I was sad. :(
Here's a fantastic example of spontaneous gatherings. Watch this video if it's the only thing you do today, because it's fantastic.
And hey, get together a group of your friends and go out and do something creative! Report back. Pictures are preferable.
Horror Writing
Sentence pulled from this review by TeenInk.
"I'm trying to do 'Twilight Zone' for kids, where you step into a place you've been a hundred times but suddenly something isn't quite right."
-R. L. Stine
"I'm trying to do 'Twilight Zone' for kids, where you step into a place you've been a hundred times but suddenly something isn't quite right."
-R. L. Stine
Sunday, February 03, 2008
More Bookstore Etiquette
RULE 1: I am a peon. Please recognize this. I'm just a lowly cashier. Sure, you can tell me that you're disappointed that we don't have the particular British magazine that you want to read, and you could even ask that that information be passed along, but the likelihood that your request will be taken seriously or even acted upon? 0%. If you want a magazine that badly, freaking get a subscription for it. Don't get mad if we can't find it or just don't carry it. The reason we usually can't find it is because people like you take it out to read and don't put it back where it belongs, or stick it in some totally random section of the store!
Peon <---Me
RULE 2: This is not the nineteenth century. For the love of ALL that is HOLY, please do NOT EVER hand me your credit card until you have at least bothered to glance around and see if there is a little credit-card-swipy-thingy. I swear, I must say 'you can swipe that there' to at least 87% of all my transactions! (Also, you don't need to comment on the fact that all the machines are different if you're too stupid to get the machine to accept your card swipe the first time. There's a little picture there for a reason).
RULE 3: If you don't want a plastic bag, please tell me BEFORE I put all your merchandise in it. It's fine that you want to 'save the environment', but have some courtesy for your common man, you dig?
RULE 4: The merchandise placed around the counter is there to TEMPT YOU TO BUY IT. It's called 'impulse items', and they are placed in a carefully-calculated strategy to get you to spend more money. Therefore, don't think it's cute when you take five minutes to play with the little key chains that squeak and make noise. Do you know how many times a day I have to hear that?!
RULE 5: I do not know what books you have already purchased. Please do not EVER ponder out loud to yourself, "I can't remember if I've bought this already", and then look at me like you expect me to know if you have or not. I DON'T KNOW YOU! I don't have your prior purchasing information on my computer, and let's face it: You would be pretty pissed if I did! So please make your decision without expecting my input or approval. I'm not going to tell you what to buy. That is your decision, and I just want you to leave as soon as possible.
Oh no, thank you, and have a great day!
Peon <---MeRULE 2: This is not the nineteenth century. For the love of ALL that is HOLY, please do NOT EVER hand me your credit card until you have at least bothered to glance around and see if there is a little credit-card-swipy-thingy. I swear, I must say 'you can swipe that there' to at least 87% of all my transactions! (Also, you don't need to comment on the fact that all the machines are different if you're too stupid to get the machine to accept your card swipe the first time. There's a little picture there for a reason).
RULE 3: If you don't want a plastic bag, please tell me BEFORE I put all your merchandise in it. It's fine that you want to 'save the environment', but have some courtesy for your common man, you dig?
RULE 4: The merchandise placed around the counter is there to TEMPT YOU TO BUY IT. It's called 'impulse items', and they are placed in a carefully-calculated strategy to get you to spend more money. Therefore, don't think it's cute when you take five minutes to play with the little key chains that squeak and make noise. Do you know how many times a day I have to hear that?!
RULE 5: I do not know what books you have already purchased. Please do not EVER ponder out loud to yourself, "I can't remember if I've bought this already", and then look at me like you expect me to know if you have or not. I DON'T KNOW YOU! I don't have your prior purchasing information on my computer, and let's face it: You would be pretty pissed if I did! So please make your decision without expecting my input or approval. I'm not going to tell you what to buy. That is your decision, and I just want you to leave as soon as possible.
Oh no, thank you, and have a great day!
The Funniest Book I Have Ever Read
I've read a lot of books. Some people have even kept track of every book they've ever read, but I'm not that methodical, so sadly I don't have an exact figure.
Know, however, that it is an obscene amount for my age. Within the course of my reading lifetime, I have never EVER ran across a book as funny as the one I am about to tell you about.
WARNING: If you are underage, do not read this book. It's definitely for mature audiences only, but, oh man, if you're 'mature' in the legal sense of the word, stop what you're doing and SPRINT to the nearest bookstore and purchase it.
What book is it, this miracle of comedy, you ask? Why, it's this one:
I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell.
Well, the author, Tucker Max better hope they serve beer in Hell, because that is where he is destined to end up after this life.
His stories are so gross and abominable that were they not wet-your-pants hilarious I would instantly condemn him as The Greatest Jerk of all time.
I mean, he's still probably the jerkiest guy in the world, but his absolute audacity makes this okay. I wish I could relay some of his priceless stories, but I want this to remain mostly kid-friendly, so all I can say is:
For samples, visit the web site. Again, if you are underage, or don't wish to expose yourself to gross, sexual, female-degrading stories, FOR THE LOVE OF FICTION, DON'T CLICK!
If, however... you can take it, and need a really good laugh, hold your belly and click away, my friends, click! Away!
Know, however, that it is an obscene amount for my age. Within the course of my reading lifetime, I have never EVER ran across a book as funny as the one I am about to tell you about.
WARNING: If you are underage, do not read this book. It's definitely for mature audiences only, but, oh man, if you're 'mature' in the legal sense of the word, stop what you're doing and SPRINT to the nearest bookstore and purchase it.
What book is it, this miracle of comedy, you ask? Why, it's this one:
I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell.
Well, the author, Tucker Max better hope they serve beer in Hell, because that is where he is destined to end up after this life.
His stories are so gross and abominable that were they not wet-your-pants hilarious I would instantly condemn him as The Greatest Jerk of all time.
I mean, he's still probably the jerkiest guy in the world, but his absolute audacity makes this okay. I wish I could relay some of his priceless stories, but I want this to remain mostly kid-friendly, so all I can say is:
For samples, visit the web site. Again, if you are underage, or don't wish to expose yourself to gross, sexual, female-degrading stories, FOR THE LOVE OF FICTION, DON'T CLICK!
If, however... you can take it, and need a really good laugh, hold your belly and click away, my friends, click! Away!
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Paolini Rides Again
A week or so ago I logged into the computer at work, like usual, and checked the press page for all the juicy book gossip- you know, who's coming out with what, which book Oprah has decreed shall be the next best seller, etc.
And then, like a dung-colored beacon of awfulness, I saw it...
Brisingr.
Pronounced BRIS-ing-er, this is the third book of Paolini's infamously horrible Inheritance trilogy.
And it was on my front page!
There was a press link, so I clicked on it. I have never regretted clicking on a link more in my life, not even when I was goatsed.
No, ladies and gentleman, not even that could compare to the dripping fawnery drizzled about the page. Printed off, it was a one-page update about the status of Brisingr.
Apparently, the book world responded so enthusiastically to the idea that one of their all-time best-selling authors (Ca-ching) had actually announced when he would be releasing his new book, that the release date was actually MOVED FORWARD three days, meaning that Brisingr will now be released on September 20th, 2008, but not only that!
No, my friends! Just when I had thought that Paolini finally got some sense and changed the release date from the 23rd just to acquiesce to my superior whims and desires (you will remember that I was upset about the release date, being as September 23rd is one of my all-time favorite days), he revealed HIS PARTY-PLAN OF D00000000000M!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YES! There is actually going to be a celebration on the eve of the release of Brisingr, just like the celebrations for the release of the Harry Potter books!
Umm, excuse me? Paolini does not equal Rowling.
On the other hand, good for the kid. That's excellent publicity, and should make him happy. I just refuse to attend. I REFUSE to work that night. I'll say something awful to a customer, I just know I will...
And then, like a dung-colored beacon of awfulness, I saw it...
Brisingr.
Pronounced BRIS-ing-er, this is the third book of Paolini's infamously horrible Inheritance trilogy.
And it was on my front page!
There was a press link, so I clicked on it. I have never regretted clicking on a link more in my life, not even when I was goatsed.
No, ladies and gentleman, not even that could compare to the dripping fawnery drizzled about the page. Printed off, it was a one-page update about the status of Brisingr.
Apparently, the book world responded so enthusiastically to the idea that one of their all-time best-selling authors (Ca-ching) had actually announced when he would be releasing his new book, that the release date was actually MOVED FORWARD three days, meaning that Brisingr will now be released on September 20th, 2008, but not only that!
No, my friends! Just when I had thought that Paolini finally got some sense and changed the release date from the 23rd just to acquiesce to my superior whims and desires (you will remember that I was upset about the release date, being as September 23rd is one of my all-time favorite days), he revealed HIS PARTY-PLAN OF D00000000000M!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YES! There is actually going to be a celebration on the eve of the release of Brisingr, just like the celebrations for the release of the Harry Potter books!
Umm, excuse me? Paolini does not equal Rowling.
On the other hand, good for the kid. That's excellent publicity, and should make him happy. I just refuse to attend. I REFUSE to work that night. I'll say something awful to a customer, I just know I will...
Monday, January 14, 2008
Gifts for Writers
If you have a friend or a love that is a writer, you can earn many kudo points by giving them writing-related gifts for Valentine's Day.
Unfortunately, if you're not a writer yourself, knowing what a writer will or will not like is tricky, and chances are you know what it feels like to get the gift wrong.
Here is a list of gifts for writers... what TO give and what NOT to give.
(Keeping in mind that [blah blah blah] everyone is different, results my vary, etc.)
GOOD GIFTS
1. A box of paper. The link shows computer paper. It's especially nice for someone who does a lot of printing at home.
2. Pens. It's fabulous fun to write with a pen with your name or favorite quote on it. But remember... one pen is not enough! If you give only one special pen, the writer in question will probably not use it, preferring to 'save' it, because it is so nice and special. Help them out by giving them at least ten! Then they can enjoy your gift guilt-free!
3. Weird things. Be careful with this one. Many writers like the odd and unusual. While the pickled body of a two-headed calf fetus from France might appeal to one writer, it may shock and disgust another, even if that same writer recently expressed interest in a collection of mummified human hands (true story) (I'm kidding).
4. Seasonal items.
Everyone loves to decorate for the holidays, but few are willing to spend the money to buy the equipment. Christmas stuff is on major discount right now, so buy cutsy Christmas gifts for next year!
Also: Customized Candy Hearts
Get hearts with their name on it, or any other fun or funky phrase that will be special to them.
5. Movies. Everyone loves movies. Stick with the classics or the indie films, and try to make them special editions, with lots of interviews in the special features. Or boxed sets.
BAD GIFTS
1. Clothing. Unless you know the person's exact size (For God's sake -do not get it wrong! Too big or two small... both send the wrong message!) and colors, don't even go there. Instead, get a gift card, and if you have seen something you think they would like, include a note describing the piece and where they can get it. You could even put an array of sizes on hold for them.
2. Household items. Sure, this vintage tumbler may seem hip and lovely, but there's no accounting for personal taste or decorating. Refer again to the gift cards.
3. Journals and diaries. It follows the same lines as the pens mentioned above. Some are just too beautiful to write in! See gift card.
4. Books. This one might come as a surprise. But unless it's a rare or signed copy of an already beloved book, or something the two of you have discussed, or a fascinating encyclopedia on an interest that, again, you two have discussed, please please please go with the gift cards! You might think a novel is perfectly wonderful, only to find out the giftee hates that author. Please see entries concerning Christopher Paolini.
5. Pets. Yes, kittens and puppies are charming, but allergies, living agreements, and financial concerns make this a guaranteed disaster! Especially if the giftee has recently lost a pet. Trust me, if they want another one, they will take the initiative to replace Fluffy or Spike. You showing up with Fluffy2 is not going to make them happy.
ABOVE ALL ELSE!!!
Writers are fascinated by the unique, the rare, and the one-of-a-kind. Shopping for a writer friend out of state? Get them something from a fun mom-and-pop store that they can't get where they live.
If all else fails, make a scrapbook of good times together. Some of my best gifts to friends have been binder-notebooks filled with funny quotes, shared anecdotes, and crazy photographs of us together.
Get creative by reading the following blogs:
Keri Smith
Little Birds
Scrapbooking Site
or try Indie Gifts
Unfortunately, if you're not a writer yourself, knowing what a writer will or will not like is tricky, and chances are you know what it feels like to get the gift wrong.
Here is a list of gifts for writers... what TO give and what NOT to give.
(Keeping in mind that [blah blah blah] everyone is different, results my vary, etc.)
GOOD GIFTS
1. A box of paper. The link shows computer paper. It's especially nice for someone who does a lot of printing at home.
2. Pens. It's fabulous fun to write with a pen with your name or favorite quote on it. But remember... one pen is not enough! If you give only one special pen, the writer in question will probably not use it, preferring to 'save' it, because it is so nice and special. Help them out by giving them at least ten! Then they can enjoy your gift guilt-free!
3. Weird things. Be careful with this one. Many writers like the odd and unusual. While the pickled body of a two-headed calf fetus from France might appeal to one writer, it may shock and disgust another, even if that same writer recently expressed interest in a collection of mummified human hands (true story) (I'm kidding).
4. Seasonal items.
Everyone loves to decorate for the holidays, but few are willing to spend the money to buy the equipment. Christmas stuff is on major discount right now, so buy cutsy Christmas gifts for next year!
Also: Customized Candy Hearts
Get hearts with their name on it, or any other fun or funky phrase that will be special to them.
5. Movies. Everyone loves movies. Stick with the classics or the indie films, and try to make them special editions, with lots of interviews in the special features. Or boxed sets.
BAD GIFTS
1. Clothing. Unless you know the person's exact size (For God's sake -do not get it wrong! Too big or two small... both send the wrong message!) and colors, don't even go there. Instead, get a gift card, and if you have seen something you think they would like, include a note describing the piece and where they can get it. You could even put an array of sizes on hold for them.
2. Household items. Sure, this vintage tumbler may seem hip and lovely, but there's no accounting for personal taste or decorating. Refer again to the gift cards.
3. Journals and diaries. It follows the same lines as the pens mentioned above. Some are just too beautiful to write in! See gift card.
4. Books. This one might come as a surprise. But unless it's a rare or signed copy of an already beloved book, or something the two of you have discussed, or a fascinating encyclopedia on an interest that, again, you two have discussed, please please please go with the gift cards! You might think a novel is perfectly wonderful, only to find out the giftee hates that author. Please see entries concerning Christopher Paolini.
5. Pets. Yes, kittens and puppies are charming, but allergies, living agreements, and financial concerns make this a guaranteed disaster! Especially if the giftee has recently lost a pet. Trust me, if they want another one, they will take the initiative to replace Fluffy or Spike. You showing up with Fluffy2 is not going to make them happy.
ABOVE ALL ELSE!!!
Writers are fascinated by the unique, the rare, and the one-of-a-kind. Shopping for a writer friend out of state? Get them something from a fun mom-and-pop store that they can't get where they live.
If all else fails, make a scrapbook of good times together. Some of my best gifts to friends have been binder-notebooks filled with funny quotes, shared anecdotes, and crazy photographs of us together.
Get creative by reading the following blogs:
Keri Smith
Little Birds
Scrapbooking Site
or try Indie Gifts
Friday, January 04, 2008
Paolini Deigns to Announce when his Next Book Will Come Out (And Thinks People Will Actually Care)
A huge part of my job (which I love), is to, obviously, help people find books. I'm expected to be knowledgeable about mainstream series and release dates.
And so... in the interest of being a good employee, I stupidly visited Christopher Paolini's web site last night... because I'm clearly a masochist... and found out that he's decided to grace us all with the announcement of the third book's release date:
September 23rd.
He had to pick one of my favorite months and one of my favorite numbers, didn't he? He just HAD to go there. September 23rd, May 23rd, and April 17th are my three most favorite days in the year.
That's not even the worst part. Oh no. The worst part is that he has 'BREAKING NEWS' about the trilogy, which he has chosen to share with us in the form of....
...A Video Announcement.
(Which, if you're really, truly a masochist, you can see here.
It says, and I quote: Kvetha Fricaya. Greetings Friends.
I cannot bring myself to watch it. I just can't.
But tell me how it is. And fear, my friends. Fear the coming September 23rd, which I shall now call Black Tuesday.
FEAR IT!!!!
............fear it...
And so... in the interest of being a good employee, I stupidly visited Christopher Paolini's web site last night... because I'm clearly a masochist... and found out that he's decided to grace us all with the announcement of the third book's release date:
September 23rd.
He had to pick one of my favorite months and one of my favorite numbers, didn't he? He just HAD to go there. September 23rd, May 23rd, and April 17th are my three most favorite days in the year.
That's not even the worst part. Oh no. The worst part is that he has 'BREAKING NEWS' about the trilogy, which he has chosen to share with us in the form of....
...A Video Announcement.
(Which, if you're really, truly a masochist, you can see here.
It says, and I quote: Kvetha Fricaya. Greetings Friends.
I cannot bring myself to watch it. I just can't.
But tell me how it is. And fear, my friends. Fear the coming September 23rd, which I shall now call Black Tuesday.
FEAR IT!!!!
............fear it...
2007, a Summary
Holidays were hell. My coworkers warned me in the beginning that by the time the season was over I would no longer love Christmas music. I was happy to prove them wrong, but if I hear the particular version of any Christmas song that was played INCESSANTLY during a two-month period, I shall scream.
Remember people, it's not songs that annoy... it's versions...
Anyway, the Big Day has come and gone, along with New Years. I'll be sharing stories, but for now here's a small personal summary, shamelessly stolen (with encouragement) from Super Hero Journals.
1. What do you want to acknowledge yourself for in regard to 2007?
(What did you create? What challenges did you face with courage and strength? What promises did you keep to yourself? What brave choices did you make? What are you proud of?)
In 2007 I finished a book, started and finished another (my best work so far), and wrote 63 poems I would be proud to call my own. I am proud of myself for taking chances. This year I moved from Illinois to Alabama, and it involved a lot of courage and independence, adjusting to and learning a new area. This year I got two jobs, a bank account, a credit card, and I pay for my own gas (Okay, I'm still dependent on my parents, but at least I'm not pinching pennies in a barren apartment somewhere; when my book deal comes through I'll move into a mansion a la Stephen King).
Stephen King's mansion, y'all.
2. What is there to grieve about 2007?
(What was disappointing? What was scary? What was hard? What can you forgive yourself for?)
This year I lost three boys, and one very important friendship (I got it back though). I was severely betrayed and I grieve for my inability to trust people. I grieve for my lost childhood, for the state and home I left behind, for the friends that moved on without me.
3. What else do you need to say about the year to declare it complete?
2007 was the most intense year I've ever had. I loved it and respect it, and I am sad it is gone. I consider it the last Good Year I'll have in a long time. Being a believer in the end of the world come 2012, there's not a lot of time left. May all years be as exciting, interesting, and varied as 2007.
2007, we loved thee well.
*bow out*
Remember people, it's not songs that annoy... it's versions...
Anyway, the Big Day has come and gone, along with New Years. I'll be sharing stories, but for now here's a small personal summary, shamelessly stolen (with encouragement) from Super Hero Journals.
1. What do you want to acknowledge yourself for in regard to 2007?
(What did you create? What challenges did you face with courage and strength? What promises did you keep to yourself? What brave choices did you make? What are you proud of?)
In 2007 I finished a book, started and finished another (my best work so far), and wrote 63 poems I would be proud to call my own. I am proud of myself for taking chances. This year I moved from Illinois to Alabama, and it involved a lot of courage and independence, adjusting to and learning a new area. This year I got two jobs, a bank account, a credit card, and I pay for my own gas (Okay, I'm still dependent on my parents, but at least I'm not pinching pennies in a barren apartment somewhere; when my book deal comes through I'll move into a mansion a la Stephen King).
Stephen King's mansion, y'all.
2. What is there to grieve about 2007?
(What was disappointing? What was scary? What was hard? What can you forgive yourself for?)
This year I lost three boys, and one very important friendship (I got it back though). I was severely betrayed and I grieve for my inability to trust people. I grieve for my lost childhood, for the state and home I left behind, for the friends that moved on without me.
3. What else do you need to say about the year to declare it complete?
2007 was the most intense year I've ever had. I loved it and respect it, and I am sad it is gone. I consider it the last Good Year I'll have in a long time. Being a believer in the end of the world come 2012, there's not a lot of time left. May all years be as exciting, interesting, and varied as 2007.
2007, we loved thee well.
*bow out*
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Aliens versus Predator: Requiem
So I was at the bookstore and someone had placed SciFi magazine on hold, and I noticed on the cover that there was an article about the new Alien v. Predator movie.
This was surprising because I thought we were all supposed to be rooting for Alien 5, not AVP2.
Personally, I thought AVP was not very good. And what I mean by that is that it was an excellent film, except that it did not achieve epic-ness because the filmmakers did not keep with the themes of the Alien movies. And this is coming from a person who deeply enjoyed Alien: Resurrection, claimed by some to be the biggest abomination of all!
But I was reading this article, and I think AVP2 may really have a chance, but some things have got to change.
For example, the name. It has been named Aliens versus Predator: Requiem. The 'Aliens' is a throwback to the original Aliens, and that's fantastic, so did they have to put 'requiem' in there? They're basically saying, 'people loved AVP so much that they demanded we grace them with AVP2.'
Narcissists.
But I'm willing to forgive all because they are including in this movie the Predalien, who kicked ASS in the AVP computer games, and I look forward to seeing it tear through both human and predator flesh in the film.
Now if they could only get some Praetorians thrown in there...
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Bookstore Etiquette
When working at the bookstore, I have encountered all types of people. Most of them have no idea how they should be treating their local bookstore, and I'm here to tell them straight.
BOOKSTORE ETIQUETTE:
RULE 1: If you pick something up, for God's sake man, put it back where you found it! Don't wander across half the store with it and then leave it on a display table! Believe it or not, it's my job to go after you and pick up your mess and make sure it's put away. I have to track down all your lazy deposits before I can go home in the evening! This includes the people who bring piles of books to read to the couches and then LEAVE their stacks when they're finished. This is not a library, people!
RULE 2: If you don't like something, shut up. I don't care that you find it morally reprehensible that we sell Playboy and other magazines of varying repute. It is not my personal fault so please don't get angry with me. I will, of course, pass your complaints along to management, but really, lady, we'll be much more helpful in assisting you to lodge a complaint if you treat us with RESPECT and don't ABANDON your large purchase at the register, leaving me with three armloads of books to put back out on the shelf!
RULE 3: If you can't find a book, I would be more than happy to help you find it, as long as you ask for help BEFORE we're in the final stages of checking out. If I have to abandon my register and your merchandise to go to the computer and look up something for you, then locate it or explain how we don't have it, you are wasting my time and the time of customers who have their shit together and could be getting checked out right now but have to wait because you're a spazz.
RULE 4: If you have garbage, throw it away in the GARBAGE CAN, not the shelves of the bookstore. If you don't know where a garbage can is, I would be happy to point one out to you. Also, when you're reading magazines, please don't stuff the subscription adverts into the sides of the couches. I only have to pull them out later.
You know what a garbage can is. Please apply that knowledge.
RULE 5: used toilet paper goes in the TOILET!. Used toilet paper does NOT go in the sink, on the floor, or in the garbage can. Believe it or not, I have to clean up after you in the bathroom, too!
RULE 6: Do NOT take unpaid merchandise with you into the bathroom. ESPECIALLY do not take it to the bathroom to masturbate with! Buy the damn thing and do that at home, you pervert!
RULE 7: Though I may serve you, I am not your servant. I am a human being and you need to treat me with respect. Just because you are in a bad mood does not mean you get to be rude to me. If you are, I withhold benefits, like offering you a gift receipt or using the coupons to help save you money. Rudeness = you pay more.
RULE 8: IF YOU'RE GOING TO CHEW ON A TOOTHPICK, DO NOT SPIT IT ONTO THE FLOOR!!!!!!!! I don't know what it is about this state, but apparently toothpicks are the new gum. They're all over the floor and they don't vacuum up nicely, so please, if you must chew, DON'T SPIT IT OUT ON MY FLOOR! Please see Rule 4 for more details.
Toothpicks: nasty habit.
RULE 9: If you call on the phone, expect to be placed on hold. My priority is on the customers who actually SHOWED UP for service. I will get to you as soon as I possibly can, and please keep in mind that while I am helping you I probably have people in person who need my attention, so please don't have a whole list of things you absolutely have to have. Come into the store and I can assist you better in person.
RULE 10: If we don't have a book, it is NOT MY FAULT. We cannot possibly carry every book that was ever written in the world. I can probably order it for you. Please don't get huffy with me.
RULE 11: Don't come up to me and say you desperately need a book but you don't remember the author's name or the title, just a vague plot description. While I know many things, I do not have a directory of details in my head, and I will probably have no idea what you're talking about if you go, 'I need the book with that guy who was on the Tonight Show about a week, maybe two weeks ago. I forget what it's called but Conan really liked the guy.' Sir, I have no idea what you're talking about. Come back when YOU know what you're talking about. I once had someone come in and say they were shopping for their wife, and a week ago she picked up a book we had on display, and the cover had a woman with red hair, and did I possibly know what that book was? Short answer: ...NO!
*sigh* Please have courtesy and respect for me and I will prove to be happy, helpful, and help you to get more product for less money. Is it so much to ask that you behave yourself and not be a completely rude, snobbish, perverted slob?
Signing out...
BOOKSTORE ETIQUETTE:
RULE 1: If you pick something up, for God's sake man, put it back where you found it! Don't wander across half the store with it and then leave it on a display table! Believe it or not, it's my job to go after you and pick up your mess and make sure it's put away. I have to track down all your lazy deposits before I can go home in the evening! This includes the people who bring piles of books to read to the couches and then LEAVE their stacks when they're finished. This is not a library, people!
RULE 2: If you don't like something, shut up. I don't care that you find it morally reprehensible that we sell Playboy and other magazines of varying repute. It is not my personal fault so please don't get angry with me. I will, of course, pass your complaints along to management, but really, lady, we'll be much more helpful in assisting you to lodge a complaint if you treat us with RESPECT and don't ABANDON your large purchase at the register, leaving me with three armloads of books to put back out on the shelf!
RULE 3: If you can't find a book, I would be more than happy to help you find it, as long as you ask for help BEFORE we're in the final stages of checking out. If I have to abandon my register and your merchandise to go to the computer and look up something for you, then locate it or explain how we don't have it, you are wasting my time and the time of customers who have their shit together and could be getting checked out right now but have to wait because you're a spazz.
RULE 4: If you have garbage, throw it away in the GARBAGE CAN, not the shelves of the bookstore. If you don't know where a garbage can is, I would be happy to point one out to you. Also, when you're reading magazines, please don't stuff the subscription adverts into the sides of the couches. I only have to pull them out later.
You know what a garbage can is. Please apply that knowledge.
RULE 5: used toilet paper goes in the TOILET!. Used toilet paper does NOT go in the sink, on the floor, or in the garbage can. Believe it or not, I have to clean up after you in the bathroom, too!
RULE 6: Do NOT take unpaid merchandise with you into the bathroom. ESPECIALLY do not take it to the bathroom to masturbate with! Buy the damn thing and do that at home, you pervert!
RULE 7: Though I may serve you, I am not your servant. I am a human being and you need to treat me with respect. Just because you are in a bad mood does not mean you get to be rude to me. If you are, I withhold benefits, like offering you a gift receipt or using the coupons to help save you money. Rudeness = you pay more.
RULE 8: IF YOU'RE GOING TO CHEW ON A TOOTHPICK, DO NOT SPIT IT ONTO THE FLOOR!!!!!!!! I don't know what it is about this state, but apparently toothpicks are the new gum. They're all over the floor and they don't vacuum up nicely, so please, if you must chew, DON'T SPIT IT OUT ON MY FLOOR! Please see Rule 4 for more details.
Toothpicks: nasty habit.
RULE 9: If you call on the phone, expect to be placed on hold. My priority is on the customers who actually SHOWED UP for service. I will get to you as soon as I possibly can, and please keep in mind that while I am helping you I probably have people in person who need my attention, so please don't have a whole list of things you absolutely have to have. Come into the store and I can assist you better in person.
RULE 10: If we don't have a book, it is NOT MY FAULT. We cannot possibly carry every book that was ever written in the world. I can probably order it for you. Please don't get huffy with me.
RULE 11: Don't come up to me and say you desperately need a book but you don't remember the author's name or the title, just a vague plot description. While I know many things, I do not have a directory of details in my head, and I will probably have no idea what you're talking about if you go, 'I need the book with that guy who was on the Tonight Show about a week, maybe two weeks ago. I forget what it's called but Conan really liked the guy.' Sir, I have no idea what you're talking about. Come back when YOU know what you're talking about. I once had someone come in and say they were shopping for their wife, and a week ago she picked up a book we had on display, and the cover had a woman with red hair, and did I possibly know what that book was? Short answer: ...NO!
*sigh* Please have courtesy and respect for me and I will prove to be happy, helpful, and help you to get more product for less money. Is it so much to ask that you behave yourself and not be a completely rude, snobbish, perverted slob?
Signing out...
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Have YOU Accepted JS As Your Personal Savior?
At the bookstore where I work, we have 'member' cards that enable customers to save money throughout the year by joining our 'club'. This is pretty basic; every book mega-chain worth their salt has a program like this.
When we employees scan the card, the person's name and other info pops up on the computer screen. We don't sell the information to the government; it just saves time if we have to ship something directly to them.
Example of a Barnes & Noble club card, and I'm not saying I work for the B&N.
So two days ago one of my co-workers, a girl my age, scans a man's card and gets a strange look on her face, but, like decent employees, we wait until he leaves to gossip about whatever it was that she saw.
Phonetically, this name would be spelled Hay-soos Smee-lee, I think.
But it popped up on the screen as Smelly, Jesus.
Caption: This is Jesus. He does not bathe.
That's right, folks. My friend Brittany finally found Jesus, and he was stinky.
Now there's a kid who's parents did not brainstorm, in the words of excellent British comic Eddie Izzard, "What shall we name our son so that he will not get the shit beat out of him in school?"
And thus the past few days whenever I need a lift, I turn my eyes heavenward and mediate on Smelly Jesus, who has forgiven me all my body odor and will welcome me into a utopia of cleanliness whence this putrid body falls at last to hordes of angry perfume-addicts.
But really, people. Smelly Jesus. The crappy pay at my job is worth it for moments like these.
Smelly Jesus. Spread the truth.
*Please note: I am a Christian, and believe God has a sense of humor about this, too. So don't get mad at me and tell me I'm going to hell. If that's true, you telling me won't really accomplish anything, will it?
When we employees scan the card, the person's name and other info pops up on the computer screen. We don't sell the information to the government; it just saves time if we have to ship something directly to them.
Example of a Barnes & Noble club card, and I'm not saying I work for the B&N.
So two days ago one of my co-workers, a girl my age, scans a man's card and gets a strange look on her face, but, like decent employees, we wait until he leaves to gossip about whatever it was that she saw.
Phonetically, this name would be spelled Hay-soos Smee-lee, I think.
But it popped up on the screen as Smelly, Jesus.
Caption: This is Jesus. He does not bathe.
That's right, folks. My friend Brittany finally found Jesus, and he was stinky.
Now there's a kid who's parents did not brainstorm, in the words of excellent British comic Eddie Izzard, "What shall we name our son so that he will not get the shit beat out of him in school?"
And thus the past few days whenever I need a lift, I turn my eyes heavenward and mediate on Smelly Jesus, who has forgiven me all my body odor and will welcome me into a utopia of cleanliness whence this putrid body falls at last to hordes of angry perfume-addicts.
But really, people. Smelly Jesus. The crappy pay at my job is worth it for moments like these.
Smelly Jesus. Spread the truth.
*Please note: I am a Christian, and believe God has a sense of humor about this, too. So don't get mad at me and tell me I'm going to hell. If that's true, you telling me won't really accomplish anything, will it?
Monday, December 10, 2007
Paolini and Urine
So there I am, standing at the register, minding my own business, not really doing anything because there was no one in line, and then I hear over the sounds of browsing customers and grinding coffee machines from the cafe... "OMG I LOVE Christopher Paolini."
"Gosh darn it," I sigh, rolling my eyes.
I turn to see a young girl, probably a junior or senior in high school, at the browsing computer talking to my General Manager, going on and on about how much she ADORES Mr. Paolini, about how AWESOME his books are, about how that's the only thing she's practically read EVER and how they're so good she's afraid to read other stuff... she's ranting about how UNFAIR it is that his third book isn't scheduled to come out forever and blah blah blah.
(Side note: Doesn't anyone remember how Paolini swore he had had the story mapped out since forever and knew exactly how it was going to go? As both my favorite manager and Jaden have noted, why then has it recently been announced that he'll be continuing with a fourth book? Is it possible he LIED to us? That he actually is just PULLING this CRAP from his ASS?!?)
Anyway, so I'm standing here trying SO HARD not to say anything, and my GM, who knows how much this being irks me, is giving me the 'If you insult the customers I will fire you!' look and THEN s I stood there squashing my natural impulses, a man comes up to me and explains how his little son had to use the bathroom yet was too short to reach the urinal, so unlike a NORMAL PERSON who would just hold his son up to the urinal, the man instructed his son to pee into the drain in the middle of the bathroom floor.
THEN he carried water from the sink, in his hands, making a huge mess, over to the middle of the floor to dilute it, and now he's just being friendly, letting me know there's a huge mess in the bathroom that I'll have to clean up.
Any other employee would have told this man where to go, but I, instead, smiled and assured the man it was no problem.
Then, the sound of the high school girls excited, high-pitched ravings still ringing in my ears, I trudged to the men's room to clean up boy urine.
"Gosh darn it," I sigh, rolling my eyes.
I turn to see a young girl, probably a junior or senior in high school, at the browsing computer talking to my General Manager, going on and on about how much she ADORES Mr. Paolini, about how AWESOME his books are, about how that's the only thing she's practically read EVER and how they're so good she's afraid to read other stuff... she's ranting about how UNFAIR it is that his third book isn't scheduled to come out forever and blah blah blah.
(Side note: Doesn't anyone remember how Paolini swore he had had the story mapped out since forever and knew exactly how it was going to go? As both my favorite manager and Jaden have noted, why then has it recently been announced that he'll be continuing with a fourth book? Is it possible he LIED to us? That he actually is just PULLING this CRAP from his ASS?!?)
Anyway, so I'm standing here trying SO HARD not to say anything, and my GM, who knows how much this being irks me, is giving me the 'If you insult the customers I will fire you!' look and THEN s I stood there squashing my natural impulses, a man comes up to me and explains how his little son had to use the bathroom yet was too short to reach the urinal, so unlike a NORMAL PERSON who would just hold his son up to the urinal, the man instructed his son to pee into the drain in the middle of the bathroom floor.
THEN he carried water from the sink, in his hands, making a huge mess, over to the middle of the floor to dilute it, and now he's just being friendly, letting me know there's a huge mess in the bathroom that I'll have to clean up.
Any other employee would have told this man where to go, but I, instead, smiled and assured the man it was no problem.
Then, the sound of the high school girls excited, high-pitched ravings still ringing in my ears, I trudged to the men's room to clean up boy urine.
Friday, November 02, 2007
Anonymous Commenter
Dear Anonymous Commenter,
Thank you for correcting a previous entry, where I referred to Chuck Palahniuk as 'Chris'. I was understandably confused, as 'Chuck' and 'Chris' are so alike.
I must also apologize for bring Mr. Palahniuk into association with Christopher Paolini. Such a travesty is my greatest regret.
-Savannah
PS: I recently re-read Palahniuk's novel Rant for the fourth time. I understand more with every reading, and I highly recommend it to anyone.
Thank you for correcting a previous entry, where I referred to Chuck Palahniuk as 'Chris'. I was understandably confused, as 'Chuck' and 'Chris' are so alike.
I must also apologize for bring Mr. Palahniuk into association with Christopher Paolini. Such a travesty is my greatest regret.
-Savannah
PS: I recently re-read Palahniuk's novel Rant for the fourth time. I understand more with every reading, and I highly recommend it to anyone.
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Even more reasons to hate Mr. Paolini
....
So I just found out that not only will there be a THIRD book (which I have known for a while), but there will be a FOURTH!!
I said to my manager, "He should NOT be allowed to write a fourth book", and my manager, bless his heart, said, "He shouldn't have been allowed to write a first one."
I couldn't agree more.
So I just found out that not only will there be a THIRD book (which I have known for a while), but there will be a FOURTH!!
I said to my manager, "He should NOT be allowed to write a fourth book", and my manager, bless his heart, said, "He shouldn't have been allowed to write a first one."
I couldn't agree more.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
I Hate Christopher Paolini part 2
So there I was, happily shelving books at the bookstore where I work, when I took one into my hands by John Steinbeck, The Acts of King Arthur and His Noble Knights.
You might recognize Steinbeck's name because he wrote many great American classics, such as The Grapes of Wrath, and is the winner of the Pulitzer AND the Nobel prize.
I'm not the biggest fan of his work or style, but regardless he was a great writer (though any ninth grader writing a term paper on Of Mice and Men will disagree with you), and deserves to be held with the greatest respect.
And so, it was with greatest shock and anger that I saw this:
Don't see it? Look closer. At the bottom. At who wrote the foreword.
Do you see why I was shaking with rage?
Christopher Paolini writing the foreword to a STEINBECK?!
This is a travesty! A complete and horrific travesty! It is an insult, an abomination, an atrocity, and it should be a crime!
Dear readers... I cannot express how hard it was to put that poor book on the shelf. I spoke of it very slowly and calmly to my manager, then requested my lunch break, where I stewed for half an hour, eating a sandwich and dreaming of the day when... when... when this book will go out of print?
There's nothing I can do, really. I just don't think Paolini is qualified to have that honor, that's all. This tires me.
You might recognize Steinbeck's name because he wrote many great American classics, such as The Grapes of Wrath, and is the winner of the Pulitzer AND the Nobel prize.
I'm not the biggest fan of his work or style, but regardless he was a great writer (though any ninth grader writing a term paper on Of Mice and Men will disagree with you), and deserves to be held with the greatest respect.
And so, it was with greatest shock and anger that I saw this:
Don't see it? Look closer. At the bottom. At who wrote the foreword.
Do you see why I was shaking with rage?
Christopher Paolini writing the foreword to a STEINBECK?!
This is a travesty! A complete and horrific travesty! It is an insult, an abomination, an atrocity, and it should be a crime!
Dear readers... I cannot express how hard it was to put that poor book on the shelf. I spoke of it very slowly and calmly to my manager, then requested my lunch break, where I stewed for half an hour, eating a sandwich and dreaming of the day when... when... when this book will go out of print?
There's nothing I can do, really. I just don't think Paolini is qualified to have that honor, that's all. This tires me.
Public School BS
When I was very young and in elementary school, I wanted to be a writer but thought I couldn't ever possibly be one. The reason for this? I believed I lacked the proper and required temperament.
You see... public schools have this thing called the 'Writing Process'. All through elementary, middle, and parts of high school, teachers guide you through 'brainstorming', 'drafting', 'editing', and 'publishing'.
As a child, I absolutely HATED brainstorming and drafting. I had an idea and I was raring to go! I didn't want to sketch silly ideas in web-format on a piece of paper! I took to just writing my story or essay and then making fake brainstorms and drafts based on the final product.
I thought this was what being a writer was all about, and, thusly, could not ever hope to be one because the 'process' seemed so ridiculous to me.
It took me a while to figure out that I was gifted with what many of the other students for whom this 'process' was invented were not: a destiny.
I hate to get all arrogant and mystical (woo woo wa-oo) about it, but I understood at that young age (though I lacked the words to describe it or the experience to be credible) that truly great writing begins with a vibrant spark of an idea, a special feeling likened to madness that takes a writer and dictates through him. Creating word webs just did not fit into what I felt whole-heartedly to be true.
Many esteemed and brilliant writers (Ray Bradbury, Thomas Harris, Chuck Palahniuk, Stephen King, JK Rowling, Chris Crutcher, Toni Morrison, James Thurber, etc.), I was relieved and ecstatic to find, feel the same way I do. To hear them speak of the 'writing process', they are pulled along, as if on a path in a misty wood, able to see only a few feet in front of them.
Ray Bradbury described himself as a person with a notepad and pencil, running after his characters and jotting down what they do.
The moral of this exercise is this: If I had followed the 'rules' about my art, I would have been unhappy, frustrated, confused, and my writing would have suffered.
I am here to tell you not to listen to your teachers or your government or any 'experts' that tell you to believe something that doesn't sound right to you.
ART HAS NO RULES!!!!!! You can do it however you want, in whatever way makes you happy and works for you best.
I will always resent my early education for making me feel so unhappy about what I was meant to do with my life, but at least it taught me the valuable lesson learned above.
All that idealistic stuff about no boundaries or limits is true. Follow your dreams, people.
You see... public schools have this thing called the 'Writing Process'. All through elementary, middle, and parts of high school, teachers guide you through 'brainstorming', 'drafting', 'editing', and 'publishing'.
As a child, I absolutely HATED brainstorming and drafting. I had an idea and I was raring to go! I didn't want to sketch silly ideas in web-format on a piece of paper! I took to just writing my story or essay and then making fake brainstorms and drafts based on the final product.
I thought this was what being a writer was all about, and, thusly, could not ever hope to be one because the 'process' seemed so ridiculous to me.
It took me a while to figure out that I was gifted with what many of the other students for whom this 'process' was invented were not: a destiny.
I hate to get all arrogant and mystical (woo woo wa-oo) about it, but I understood at that young age (though I lacked the words to describe it or the experience to be credible) that truly great writing begins with a vibrant spark of an idea, a special feeling likened to madness that takes a writer and dictates through him. Creating word webs just did not fit into what I felt whole-heartedly to be true.
Many esteemed and brilliant writers (Ray Bradbury, Thomas Harris, Chuck Palahniuk, Stephen King, JK Rowling, Chris Crutcher, Toni Morrison, James Thurber, etc.), I was relieved and ecstatic to find, feel the same way I do. To hear them speak of the 'writing process', they are pulled along, as if on a path in a misty wood, able to see only a few feet in front of them.
Ray Bradbury described himself as a person with a notepad and pencil, running after his characters and jotting down what they do.
The moral of this exercise is this: If I had followed the 'rules' about my art, I would have been unhappy, frustrated, confused, and my writing would have suffered.
I am here to tell you not to listen to your teachers or your government or any 'experts' that tell you to believe something that doesn't sound right to you.
ART HAS NO RULES!!!!!! You can do it however you want, in whatever way makes you happy and works for you best.
I will always resent my early education for making me feel so unhappy about what I was meant to do with my life, but at least it taught me the valuable lesson learned above.
All that idealistic stuff about no boundaries or limits is true. Follow your dreams, people.
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