Gifts for Writers

If you have a friend or a love that is a writer, you can earn many kudo points by giving them writing-related gifts for Valentine's Day.



Unfortunately, if you're not a writer yourself, knowing what a writer will or will not like is tricky, and chances are you know what it feels like to get the gift wrong.

Here is a list of gifts for writers... what TO give and what NOT to give.

(Keeping in mind that [blah blah blah] everyone is different, results my vary, etc.)

GOOD GIFTS

1. A box of paper. The link shows computer paper. It's especially nice for someone who does a lot of printing at home.

2. Pens. It's fabulous fun to write with a pen with your name or favorite quote on it. But remember... one pen is not enough! If you give only one special pen, the writer in question will probably not use it, preferring to 'save' it, because it is so nice and special. Help them out by giving them at least ten! Then they can enjoy your gift guilt-free!

3. Weird things. Be careful with this one. Many writers like the odd and unusual. While the pickled body of a two-headed calf fetus from France might appeal to one writer, it may shock and disgust another, even if that same writer recently expressed interest in a collection of mummified human hands (true story) (I'm kidding).

4. Seasonal items.



Everyone loves to decorate for the holidays, but few are willing to spend the money to buy the equipment. Christmas stuff is on major discount right now, so buy cutsy Christmas gifts for next year!

Also: Customized Candy Hearts


Get hearts with their name on it, or any other fun or funky phrase that will be special to them.

5. Movies. Everyone loves movies. Stick with the classics or the indie films, and try to make them special editions, with lots of interviews in the special features. Or boxed sets.


BAD GIFTS

1. Clothing. Unless you know the person's exact size (For God's sake -do not get it wrong! Too big or two small... both send the wrong message!) and colors, don't even go there. Instead, get a gift card, and if you have seen something you think they would like, include a note describing the piece and where they can get it. You could even put an array of sizes on hold for them.

2. Household items. Sure, this vintage tumbler may seem hip and lovely, but there's no accounting for personal taste or decorating. Refer again to the gift cards.

3. Journals and diaries. It follows the same lines as the pens mentioned above. Some are just too beautiful to write in! See gift card.

4. Books. This one might come as a surprise. But unless it's a rare or signed copy of an already beloved book, or something the two of you have discussed, or a fascinating encyclopedia on an interest that, again, you two have discussed, please please please go with the gift cards! You might think a novel is perfectly wonderful, only to find out the giftee hates that author. Please see entries concerning Christopher Paolini.

5. Pets. Yes, kittens and puppies are charming, but allergies, living agreements, and financial concerns make this a guaranteed disaster! Especially if the giftee has recently lost a pet. Trust me, if they want another one, they will take the initiative to replace Fluffy or Spike. You showing up with Fluffy2 is not going to make them happy.




ABOVE ALL ELSE!!!

Writers are fascinated by the unique, the rare, and the one-of-a-kind. Shopping for a writer friend out of state? Get them something from a fun mom-and-pop store that they can't get where they live.

If all else fails, make a scrapbook of good times together. Some of my best gifts to friends have been binder-notebooks filled with funny quotes, shared anecdotes, and crazy photographs of us together.

Get creative by reading the following blogs:
Keri Smith
Little Birds
Scrapbooking Site



or try Indie Gifts

Paolini Deigns to Announce when his Next Book Will Come Out (And Thinks People Will Actually Care)

A huge part of my job (which I love), is to, obviously, help people find books. I'm expected to be knowledgeable about mainstream series and release dates.

And so... in the interest of being a good employee, I stupidly visited Christopher Paolini's web site last night... because I'm clearly a masochist... and found out that he's decided to grace us all with the announcement of the third book's release date:

September 23rd.

He had to pick one of my favorite months and one of my favorite numbers, didn't he? He just HAD to go there. September 23rd, May 23rd, and April 17th are my three most favorite days in the year.

That's not even the worst part. Oh no. The worst part is that he has 'BREAKING NEWS' about the trilogy, which he has chosen to share with us in the form of....

...A Video Announcement.

(Which, if you're really, truly a masochist, you can see here.

It says, and I quote: Kvetha Fricaya. Greetings Friends.

I cannot bring myself to watch it. I just can't.

But tell me how it is. And fear, my friends. Fear the coming September 23rd, which I shall now call Black Tuesday.

FEAR IT!!!!

............fear it...

2007, a Summary

Holidays were hell. My coworkers warned me in the beginning that by the time the season was over I would no longer love Christmas music. I was happy to prove them wrong, but if I hear the particular version of any Christmas song that was played INCESSANTLY during a two-month period, I shall scream.



Remember people, it's not songs that annoy... it's versions...

Anyway, the Big Day has come and gone, along with New Years. I'll be sharing stories, but for now here's a small personal summary, shamelessly stolen (with encouragement) from Super Hero Journals.


1. What do you want to acknowledge yourself for in regard to 2007?
(What did you create? What challenges did you face with courage and strength? What promises did you keep to yourself? What brave choices did you make? What are you proud of?)

In 2007 I finished a book, started and finished another (my best work so far), and wrote 63 poems I would be proud to call my own. I am proud of myself for taking chances. This year I moved from Illinois to Alabama, and it involved a lot of courage and independence, adjusting to and learning a new area. This year I got two jobs, a bank account, a credit card, and I pay for my own gas (Okay, I'm still dependent on my parents, but at least I'm not pinching pennies in a barren apartment somewhere; when my book deal comes through I'll move into a mansion a la Stephen King).


Stephen King's mansion, y'all.

2. What is there to grieve about 2007?
(What was disappointing? What was scary? What was hard? What can you forgive yourself for?)

This year I lost three boys, and one very important friendship (I got it back though). I was severely betrayed and I grieve for my inability to trust people. I grieve for my lost childhood, for the state and home I left behind, for the friends that moved on without me.



3. What else do you need to say about the year to declare it complete?

2007 was the most intense year I've ever had. I loved it and respect it, and I am sad it is gone. I consider it the last Good Year I'll have in a long time. Being a believer in the end of the world come 2012, there's not a lot of time left. May all years be as exciting, interesting, and varied as 2007.

2007, we loved thee well.



*bow out*

Aliens versus Predator: Requiem

So I was at the bookstore and someone had placed SciFi magazine on hold, and I noticed on the cover that there was an article about the new Alien v. Predator movie.

This was surprising because I thought we were all supposed to be rooting for Alien 5, not AVP2.

Personally, I thought AVP was not very good. And what I mean by that is that it was an excellent film, except that it did not achieve epic-ness because the filmmakers did not keep with the themes of the Alien movies. And this is coming from a person who deeply enjoyed Alien: Resurrection, claimed by some to be the biggest abomination of all!

But I was reading this article, and I think AVP2 may really have a chance, but some things have got to change.



For example, the name. It has been named Aliens versus Predator: Requiem. The 'Aliens' is a throwback to the original Aliens, and that's fantastic, so did they have to put 'requiem' in there? They're basically saying, 'people loved AVP so much that they demanded we grace them with AVP2.'

Narcissists.

But I'm willing to forgive all because they are including in this movie the Predalien, who kicked ASS in the AVP computer games, and I look forward to seeing it tear through both human and predator flesh in the film.

Now if they could only get some Praetorians thrown in there...

Bookstore Etiquette

When working at the bookstore, I have encountered all types of people. Most of them have no idea how they should be treating their local bookstore, and I'm here to tell them straight.

BOOKSTORE ETIQUETTE:

RULE 1: If you pick something up, for God's sake man, put it back where you found it! Don't wander across half the store with it and then leave it on a display table! Believe it or not, it's my job to go after you and pick up your mess and make sure it's put away. I have to track down all your lazy deposits before I can go home in the evening! This includes the people who bring piles of books to read to the couches and then LEAVE their stacks when they're finished. This is not a library, people!

RULE 2: If you don't like something, shut up. I don't care that you find it morally reprehensible that we sell Playboy and other magazines of varying repute. It is not my personal fault so please don't get angry with me. I will, of course, pass your complaints along to management, but really, lady, we'll be much more helpful in assisting you to lodge a complaint if you treat us with RESPECT and don't ABANDON your large purchase at the register, leaving me with three armloads of books to put back out on the shelf!

RULE 3: If you can't find a book, I would be more than happy to help you find it, as long as you ask for help BEFORE we're in the final stages of checking out. If I have to abandon my register and your merchandise to go to the computer and look up something for you, then locate it or explain how we don't have it, you are wasting my time and the time of customers who have their shit together and could be getting checked out right now but have to wait because you're a spazz.

RULE 4: If you have garbage, throw it away in the GARBAGE CAN, not the shelves of the bookstore. If you don't know where a garbage can is, I would be happy to point one out to you. Also, when you're reading magazines, please don't stuff the subscription adverts into the sides of the couches. I only have to pull them out later.


You know what a garbage can is. Please apply that knowledge.

RULE 5: used toilet paper goes in the TOILET!. Used toilet paper does NOT go in the sink, on the floor, or in the garbage can. Believe it or not, I have to clean up after you in the bathroom, too!

RULE 6: Do NOT take unpaid merchandise with you into the bathroom. ESPECIALLY do not take it to the bathroom to masturbate with! Buy the damn thing and do that at home, you pervert!

RULE 7: Though I may serve you, I am not your servant. I am a human being and you need to treat me with respect. Just because you are in a bad mood does not mean you get to be rude to me. If you are, I withhold benefits, like offering you a gift receipt or using the coupons to help save you money. Rudeness = you pay more.

RULE 8: IF YOU'RE GOING TO CHEW ON A TOOTHPICK, DO NOT SPIT IT ONTO THE FLOOR!!!!!!!! I don't know what it is about this state, but apparently toothpicks are the new gum. They're all over the floor and they don't vacuum up nicely, so please, if you must chew, DON'T SPIT IT OUT ON MY FLOOR! Please see Rule 4 for more details.


Toothpicks: nasty habit.

RULE 9: If you call on the phone, expect to be placed on hold. My priority is on the customers who actually SHOWED UP for service. I will get to you as soon as I possibly can, and please keep in mind that while I am helping you I probably have people in person who need my attention, so please don't have a whole list of things you absolutely have to have. Come into the store and I can assist you better in person.

RULE 10: If we don't have a book, it is NOT MY FAULT. We cannot possibly carry every book that was ever written in the world. I can probably order it for you. Please don't get huffy with me.

RULE 11: Don't come up to me and say you desperately need a book but you don't remember the author's name or the title, just a vague plot description. While I know many things, I do not have a directory of details in my head, and I will probably have no idea what you're talking about if you go, 'I need the book with that guy who was on the Tonight Show about a week, maybe two weeks ago. I forget what it's called but Conan really liked the guy.' Sir, I have no idea what you're talking about. Come back when YOU know what you're talking about. I once had someone come in and say they were shopping for their wife, and a week ago she picked up a book we had on display, and the cover had a woman with red hair, and did I possibly know what that book was? Short answer: ...NO!




*sigh* Please have courtesy and respect for me and I will prove to be happy, helpful, and help you to get more product for less money. Is it so much to ask that you behave yourself and not be a completely rude, snobbish, perverted slob?

Signing out...

Have YOU Accepted JS As Your Personal Savior?

At the bookstore where I work, we have 'member' cards that enable customers to save money throughout the year by joining our 'club'. This is pretty basic; every book mega-chain worth their salt has a program like this.

When we employees scan the card, the person's name and other info pops up on the computer screen. We don't sell the information to the government; it just saves time if we have to ship something directly to them.



Example of a Barnes & Noble club card, and I'm not saying I work for the B&N.


So two days ago one of my co-workers, a girl my age, scans a man's card and gets a strange look on her face, but, like decent employees, we wait until he leaves to gossip about whatever it was that she saw.

Phonetically, this name would be spelled Hay-soos Smee-lee, I think.

But it popped up on the screen as Smelly, Jesus.



Caption: This is Jesus. He does not bathe.


That's right, folks. My friend Brittany finally found Jesus, and he was stinky.

Now there's a kid who's parents did not brainstorm, in the words of excellent British comic Eddie Izzard, "What shall we name our son so that he will not get the shit beat out of him in school?"

And thus the past few days whenever I need a lift, I turn my eyes heavenward and mediate on Smelly Jesus, who has forgiven me all my body odor and will welcome me into a utopia of cleanliness whence this putrid body falls at last to hordes of angry perfume-addicts.

But really, people. Smelly Jesus. The crappy pay at my job is worth it for moments like these.

Smelly Jesus. Spread the truth.



*Please note: I am a Christian, and believe God has a sense of humor about this, too. So don't get mad at me and tell me I'm going to hell. If that's true, you telling me won't really accomplish anything, will it?

Paolini and Urine

So there I am, standing at the register, minding my own business, not really doing anything because there was no one in line, and then I hear over the sounds of browsing customers and grinding coffee machines from the cafe... "OMG I LOVE Christopher Paolini."

"Gosh darn it," I sigh, rolling my eyes.

I turn to see a young girl, probably a junior or senior in high school, at the browsing computer talking to my General Manager, going on and on about how much she ADORES Mr. Paolini, about how AWESOME his books are, about how that's the only thing she's practically read EVER and how they're so good she's afraid to read other stuff... she's ranting about how UNFAIR it is that his third book isn't scheduled to come out forever and blah blah blah.

(Side note: Doesn't anyone remember how Paolini swore he had had the story mapped out since forever and knew exactly how it was going to go? As both my favorite manager and Jaden have noted, why then has it recently been announced that he'll be continuing with a fourth book? Is it possible he LIED to us? That he actually is just PULLING this CRAP from his ASS?!?)

Anyway, so I'm standing here trying SO HARD not to say anything, and my GM, who knows how much this being irks me, is giving me the 'If you insult the customers I will fire you!' look and THEN s I stood there squashing my natural impulses, a man comes up to me and explains how his little son had to use the bathroom yet was too short to reach the urinal, so unlike a NORMAL PERSON who would just hold his son up to the urinal, the man instructed his son to pee into the drain in the middle of the bathroom floor.

THEN he carried water from the sink, in his hands, making a huge mess, over to the middle of the floor to dilute it, and now he's just being friendly, letting me know there's a huge mess in the bathroom that I'll have to clean up.

Any other employee would have told this man where to go, but I, instead, smiled and assured the man it was no problem.

Then, the sound of the high school girls excited, high-pitched ravings still ringing in my ears, I trudged to the men's room to clean up boy urine.

Anonymous Commenter

Dear Anonymous Commenter,

Thank you for correcting a previous entry, where I referred to Chuck Palahniuk as 'Chris'. I was understandably confused, as 'Chuck' and 'Chris' are so alike.

I must also apologize for bring Mr. Palahniuk into association with Christopher Paolini. Such a travesty is my greatest regret.

-Savannah

PS: I recently re-read Palahniuk's novel Rant for the fourth time. I understand more with every reading, and I highly recommend it to anyone.

Even more reasons to hate Mr. Paolini

....

So I just found out that not only will there be a THIRD book (which I have known for a while), but there will be a FOURTH!!

I said to my manager, "He should NOT be allowed to write a fourth book", and my manager, bless his heart, said, "He shouldn't have been allowed to write a first one."

I couldn't agree more.

I Hate Christopher Paolini part 2

So there I was, happily shelving books at the bookstore where I work, when I took one into my hands by John Steinbeck, The Acts of King Arthur and His Noble Knights.

You might recognize Steinbeck's name because he wrote many great American classics, such as The Grapes of Wrath, and is the winner of the Pulitzer AND the Nobel prize.

I'm not the biggest fan of his work or style, but regardless he was a great writer (though any ninth grader writing a term paper on Of Mice and Men will disagree with you), and deserves to be held with the greatest respect.

And so, it was with greatest shock and anger that I saw this:



Don't see it? Look closer. At the bottom. At who wrote the foreword.

Do you see why I was shaking with rage?

Christopher Paolini writing the foreword to a STEINBECK?!

This is a travesty! A complete and horrific travesty! It is an insult, an abomination, an atrocity, and it should be a crime!

Dear readers... I cannot express how hard it was to put that poor book on the shelf. I spoke of it very slowly and calmly to my manager, then requested my lunch break, where I stewed for half an hour, eating a sandwich and dreaming of the day when... when... when this book will go out of print?

There's nothing I can do, really. I just don't think Paolini is qualified to have that honor, that's all. This tires me.

Public School BS

When I was very young and in elementary school, I wanted to be a writer but thought I couldn't ever possibly be one. The reason for this? I believed I lacked the proper and required temperament.

You see... public schools have this thing called the 'Writing Process'. All through elementary, middle, and parts of high school, teachers guide you through 'brainstorming', 'drafting', 'editing', and 'publishing'.

As a child, I absolutely HATED brainstorming and drafting. I had an idea and I was raring to go! I didn't want to sketch silly ideas in web-format on a piece of paper! I took to just writing my story or essay and then making fake brainstorms and drafts based on the final product.

I thought this was what being a writer was all about, and, thusly, could not ever hope to be one because the 'process' seemed so ridiculous to me.

It took me a while to figure out that I was gifted with what many of the other students for whom this 'process' was invented were not: a destiny.

I hate to get all arrogant and mystical (woo woo wa-oo) about it, but I understood at that young age (though I lacked the words to describe it or the experience to be credible) that truly great writing begins with a vibrant spark of an idea, a special feeling likened to madness that takes a writer and dictates through him. Creating word webs just did not fit into what I felt whole-heartedly to be true.

Many esteemed and brilliant writers (Ray Bradbury, Thomas Harris, Chuck Palahniuk, Stephen King, JK Rowling, Chris Crutcher, Toni Morrison, James Thurber, etc.), I was relieved and ecstatic to find, feel the same way I do. To hear them speak of the 'writing process', they are pulled along, as if on a path in a misty wood, able to see only a few feet in front of them.

Ray Bradbury described himself as a person with a notepad and pencil, running after his characters and jotting down what they do.

The moral of this exercise is this: If I had followed the 'rules' about my art, I would have been unhappy, frustrated, confused, and my writing would have suffered.

I am here to tell you not to listen to your teachers or your government or any 'experts' that tell you to believe something that doesn't sound right to you.

ART HAS NO RULES!!!!!! You can do it however you want, in whatever way makes you happy and works for you best.

I will always resent my early education for making me feel so unhappy about what I was meant to do with my life, but at least it taught me the valuable lesson learned above.

All that idealistic stuff about no boundaries or limits is true. Follow your dreams, people.

The Career Question

Frequently in a young writer's life, that writer must say to themselves, "I know I'm a writer... but now what do I do?"

It takes years and years of novels and short stories and more novels for a writer to reach the point where they can quit their day job. Notable examples are JK Rowling, Stephen King, and Nora Roberts.

But let's face it... we can't all be MegaWriters. So what do you do until you hit it big? Or even medium? What jobs can you get that feed the writer in you while earning you good money?

The obvious answer, journalism, shall not be discussed.

Young writer, your choices are limited. You can intern at a publishing house (a very difficult position to get), or read slush piles. You can work at a library, sell magazines, or, my favorite, work at a bookstore.



The three largest bookstore chains in the USA are Barnes & Noble, Borders, and Books-A-Million.

Tips for getting hired:

1) Apply early and often.

Bookstores are a magnet for readers, writers, and pretentious indie kids alike. Most likely they have full positions, and a drawer full of applications they've collected over the past fifteen years. As soon as you turn eighteen, get your butt down to the local megachain and apply. You never know when (if!) you'll get that call.

2) Keep an ear out for new openings.

When bookstores open new stores, what do they need? New Employees! This is where Tip #1 comes in handy.

3) Be available.

Bookstores are inundated with college kids who want to work part time. If you can work full-time, you've got it made. This, however, gets tricky. If you're still in school, that leaves you open only during summer, and seasonal work is a death trap. If, however, like me, you're taking a semester off from college, your hire-ability goes up ten points instantly because you can work anytime.

4) WORK WEEKENDS!

If you aren't available to work weekends, you will not be hired. End of story.

5) Pit bookstores against each other.

Apply to as many as you can at once. If you get called back for an interview, mention that you're shopping for who can best benefit you in terms of hours, environment, and paycheck.

6) Accept your losses.

Contrary to all logic, bookstores don't pay well. You can make more money frying things at McDonald's. Seriously.

vs.

So why apply? Only because your single greatest love in this world is books and writing. Bookstores are a wonderful environment. You get to see all the books early, handle them all day, and you get discounts! Maybe even on the coffee, if they have a built-in cafe!

7) If all else fails and you can't get hired by the national chains, seek out independents.

This works especially well if you're in the Berkley, California area, but for the other 99% of us, shop around. Develop relationships with the owners, and be prepared to work part-time.

Try this locator for looking up bookstores in your area.

You gotta laugh

The focal point of Go Look There were children's stories.

However, I focused on the darker, film noir version, whereas this adorable website goes for the comedic and light-hearted.

It's a great read, so go for it!

I Used To Believe.Com

Adorable sample:

When I was 5 years old, I was sick with chicken pox for several days before something very tragic happened . . . I was getting ready for my bath when I found that I was actually sprouting feathers!!! I was absolutely convinced that I was turning into a chicken. My mother did her best to explain to me that it was simply a feather from my feather pillow stuck to one of the chicken pox sores, but for the longest time I would argue with her.

Butterfly Jewelry

I've always had an interest in butterflies, stemming from Kindergarten Monarch education and raising my own at home in the second and third grade. My recent book, finished on the 4th (yay!) entitled Go Look There gave me a chance to write about them in beautiful and mysterious ways.

Butterfly clips from an antique store (As seen in a previous post adorning my cat) were very inspirational.

And then I discovered this jewelry site:



Tigerlilly Shop, on Etsy, by Allison Fomich

See her Flickr account, with even more beautiful pictures, here.

Indie-Cred

The bracelet every Reader and Writer should have:



I have the top one and I /love/ it. I wear it with everything.

Available at CarolynForsman.Com

Indie Decorating

A new room in a new house means new decoration. Unfortunately, my room is baby blue (it'll have to go), but until I get around to painting it, here are some of my decorating quirks:

1)These keys were found on a nail in my grandmother’s cellar, and I’ve kept them for about two years, finally developing a purpose for them, seen here strung together with black thread.


2) A small collection of safety pins, hanging on a nail.


3) A pufferfish, also inherited from grandmother, and a collection of bottles, each with a paintbush in them. I’ve had a fascination with pufferfish ever since fourth grade, when I learned how they were used in making voodoo zombies.


4) A corner of my bookshelf, seen with perfume from Anthropologie, a horse bookend, a bird statue got from a furniture store in Geneva, Illinois, a small bottle got from an antique store in Standwood, Washington, a Devil Rubber Ducky found in a container of Pirate Bandaids, a tiny snail shell (not exactly pictured, but it’s there), a small baby, a finger-puper, and a butterfly.


5) A gargoyle bookend (which I made myself), and some fabulous books, including two of the Post Secret collections: Lolita, Middlesex, The Bluest Eye, A Wrinkle in Time, Rant, The Bell Jar, Invisible Monsters, The Lovely Bones, Post Secret 1 and 2, and Emotionally Weird.


6) A Chou dog; a statue used in China to ward off evil, which I picked up for a mere $20 in a store in Geneva. I’m sorry I don’t have names for you!


7) My favorite plaque, bought from the art museum in Chicago, and a door-chime of sorts, made of keys again, in my bathroom.


8) A mushroom I picked up at an antique store here in Huntsville, which now lives with Fred the Fern (more on Fred later).


9) My cat, adorned with butterflies, which I also got at that same antique store. I’ve been really into butterflies lately, having been working on a book mostly about them.



10) My lovely Grindhouse poster, the purchasing of which led to me making a new friend and possible romance (seen backwards because of quirk of program).


11) My cat, peeking out of my hamper.


12) God's Hands, seen with pearls from both market in Hawaii and Clair's, and butterflies.

Move to Alabama

Dear, lovely people! The lack in posting I attribute to a MONTH-LONG move, as well as general lack of news to post.

After all, it’s not like I had a digital camera to record the TEN-HOUR drive from Illinois to Alabama. If I had, these are some of the moment I could have captured: Getting in my first car accident (I was rear-ended, and it wasn’t my fault), a mobile home with a tree through it, a store that sells only socks (30 pair for 10 bucks), a strip club next to a church, a life-sized replica of a spaceship, our house deal falling through, flooding in our next house, and finally moving in only to find half our stuff was left in Chicago. Oh no!

But then again, this blog is mostly about writing, and I’m not in a very outwardly productive stage right now. I have nearly completed my sixth book, entitled Go Look There, which is a magical-realism collection of childhood stories, interspersed with the letters of the local psychologist and the local custodian. Now, while all of that is very exciting for me personally, it doesn’t make for much to blog about.

And then… And then I finally got my graduation gift, a MacBook, and the world changed. I’m a PC gal myself (or so I thought), until I discovered the PhotoBooth feature.

After that, I was hooked. And now, having been gifted with a built-in camera (albeit one that is permanently attached to my laptop), I can share, with pictures, some of the things I’ve been up to...

Life Changes

I am not going to college at Columbia. I am not staying in Illinois.

My family is moving again, and I have to admit I am very excited about it. We are traveling to Alabama, with the move expected to be completed sometime in July.



I will work for the first semester, and attend college the second. Which one? I have no idea. :)

In related news.... Friday, May 25th was my 18th birthday.

Imagine this... I began writing my first eventually-would-be-completed novel when I was fourteen, in ninth grade. I finished the last one as a 17-year-old senior in high school.

My contact at CBS says he has scheduled a June meeting with his agent to discuss that first novel. If you haven't read it already, you can do so by clicking here.

Today, I also graduate from high school. At 3:30 PM on May 27th I will no longer associate myself with the high school age group.



The way I have described it earlier is that I and my fellow graduates have, our whole lives, been climbing on boxes to get to a hole in the ceiling. Now we're teetering at the top, about to pull ourselves all the way up and out, and it's a time for nostalgia and excitement.

We will never be in that room again. It's time for a new one.

In any case, I plan to post the remaining chapters of Insurrection soon; it's just that I haven't been writing much lately and so haven't had on my upstairs computer so I haven't transferred those last chapters to the downstairs computer, this one.

Wish me luck in life, and congrats to all you graduating seniors out there!

-Savannah

Confessions 5 - I hate Christopher Paolini

I hate Christopher Paolini.

While not recognizing the photo, you may recognize the name. Mr. Paolini is a New York Times Best-Selling author for the Inheritance Trilogy, the most famous of which is Eragon.



You may remember a few years ago when this book came out and it was apparently a big deal. I read it. It was not.

I was introduced to Mr. Paolini through Oprah. She was doing a segment on teen authors, and I was watching it from my home television, seething with jealousy.

I am now going to make a generalization. You are free to agree or disagree: ...Fantasy sucks. The vast majority of fantasy and science fiction novels are badly written and cliched and follow the same plot over and over and over again.

(Ironically, another teen authoress featured on that Oprah Show did a successful series on vampires. Vampire stories also suck. Even Interview With A Vampire, when it comes down to it, sucks.)

This is my personal vendetta against fantasy and science fiction writing. I don't expect to be hassled about it. I know there are exceptions to the hideous rule, such as the well-known and quickly-declining-in-integrity Harry Potter books, or the Dealing with Dragons series, which was comedic and heart-warming. And lets not forget the classics (Tolkien, Pratchett, Adams, etc.), but even they have their moments.



But this is not about my hatred of those genres. This is about my hatred for Christopher Paolini.



Hate is a strong word. Mine is composed of anger and envy. While previews for the movie Eragon were showing, I took to changing the channel every time one came on. I forbade my family to see or support that movie in any way (alas, as I am a dependent teenager they have done little to respect my wishes, and in fact tonight I shall commit the treasonous act of purchasing that blasted film for the enjoyment and corruption of my little sister).

Why, you may ask? I'll tell you.

REASONS WHY I HATE CHRISTOPHER PAOLINI

1) First and foremost, he's a cheater. He did not submit his book to literary agents or publishing houses, he did not wait in agony for MONTHS for a rejection letter before sending his manuscript out again. He did not go to literary conventions and attempt to make contacts who would be interested in reading the boring and terribly-written novel of his.

NO, I say! He did none of these things. He is nothing like the rest of us.

His family owns a publishing company. Without having to earn the right in any way, he published his book and began distributing it.

Aha, but you may say... if he is so terrible, why then the success of his novel?

Oprah. Plain and simple. Oprah did a segment on teen writers, and as he was one, he got to go on. This led to his popularity with the general public, who is known for having bad taste.

2) As mentioned before, his books are terrible.

Anyone who has read Eragon, or attempted to read Eldest (I say attempted because I myself, a staunch believer in not abandoning books once you have started to read them, had to put it down due to sheer passionate annoyance) can back me up on this one.

Paolini took the low road. He created a /very/ cliched character: a special, talented, attractive boy with a mysterious past who is mistreated by his family and then made fabulous through magic.

BORING!

A basic plot summary: The Cliched main character, whose name is Eragon, discovers a dragon stone, watches the dragon hatched, and is now its caretaker. He fights off bakers or something of the sort, and takes an old man and the dragon with him on a journey to stop some dark force spreading across the land. There is a race against time, some more bad guys, some fire, a little blood, and then a magical and beautiful elven princess who is heroically rescued from prison as she is the leader of a rebellion camp (go figure).

The plot continues in that vein but I can't continue because it's too painful.

Anyway, I don't like his writing. He also sounds like he swallowed a thesaurus, and then puked it all over his 'script.

In conclusion, don't take any of this too seriously, as someday I shall probably have to eat my words.

Am I envious? Of course. I'm envious of any writer who has success, particularly those who do not /deserve/ it.

Does Christopher Paolini deserve my envy? Of course not. He has done nothing remarkable and his work will not be remembered past this generation.

...At least... that's what I tell myself.

Confessions - 4

The most harrowing thing about being a writer in your teenage years is The College Question. Do you settle for something 'practical' (i.e. cheap, in-state, close to home) with a practical major (read: business), or do you study what you /really/ want to... English, English Lit, or Creative Writing.

Well folks, this is my confession:

I have been accepted to college. I will study Creative Writing at the largest private liberal arts school in the country, Columbia College Chicago of Chicago, Illinois.

That's my personal college triumph. What's yours?